I am (not) Anna…

Jan LokPal Bill

All of you have shown shocked indignation at my sudden turnaround this time around for the Anna Hazare Campaign. Many of you have even wondered have I finally lost it (many feel it’s coming for a long time), and many have wondered have I suddenly started supporting corruption? The answer to all is aNO. Yes, the last time around I vehemently supported the movement and did my bit for it, but this time around something has changed.

So what has changed? Let me first start with the fact that yes, today corruption is one of the biggest problems plaguing the nation and its a problem which needs to be solved immediately. But I have issues with the solution suggested.

So let me first start with solution suggested. The proposed Jan Lokpal Bill has the following suggestions :

1. An all powerful body will be created who is non-political and is a power unto itself. The Lokpal can investigate anyone, can tap phones, can issue rogue letters to anyone. But it cannot prosecute or can (confused as two interviews of Kejriwal said two diametric opposite things)

2. If the LokPal turns rogue anyone can go to Supreme court and complain and try and get them removed. Complaints against Lokpal staff will be handled by independent boards set-up in each state, composed of retired bureaucrats, judges, and civil society members
The premise behind this Jan Lokpal Bill is that all our politicians are corrupt, all our bureaucrats are corrupt, all our judiciary is corrupt. Hence the need for such a public outcry, and such drastic measures.

So if the first premise is true (and it is mostly true), let me ask who is this so non-corruptible and non-corrupt person available with us who can shoulder such a massive responsibility, as to head the same? And what makes us so sure that having such absolute powers will not corrupt them? There is no answer.

Now the argument put forward is that for the first time, we as an ordinary citizen can go to the supreme court and complain and get a corrupt Lokayukta person removed. Now from what I recall our 60 year old democracy has given us a similar right to remove people at least in the political circus and that is far easier than going to a court.. And they in turn can remove the corrupt officials too. Now, if we have so far not shown any kind of inclination to remove the key corrupt politicians in a far easier format, what makes us think that suddenly we will care to go to a Supreme Court to exercise our right? And even if we want to, has anyone ever entered a court? Entering a court is one of the most horrendous experience one can go through, so to expect a citizen to exercise that right is foolhardy.

Now let us go the the practicality of the situation. Today we are complaining that our work does not get done till we pay a bribe and this should stop. And it is most honest statement ever. Let us imagine a situation where you need an address proof. Sadly none of the current mechanisms are good enough to get you the same without any fuss. What do you do? Find someone and pay him a bribe and get the work done, cause end of the day that proof is needed. So who will go and complain in this case? You, cause your work got done. or the person who took the bribe? Answer is neither. So how does Lokpal curb this corruption?


So what will happen once this LokPal bill comes? It says we will arrest, prosecute and put the corrupt behind bars. So what does our corrupt do behind bars? Simple, it colludes with the police, bribes them and enjoys a life of luxury behind the prison gates. And who will complain then against that corruption? The police? Or the man behind the bars? Neither. So how do you handle corruption here? If the response is the Lokayukta can take suo moto action, well then so can the courts. And if courts can go corrupt so can Lokayukta.
Now, let us go to the biggest part of this Lokpal. Apparently it cannot prosecute anyone but can only investigate. Now if the assumption is all our bodies from Judiciary to Parliament are are all corrupt, just how will this LokPal at all help us cause all it has it is investigative powers and prosecuting bodies can always set them free. Is this entire fight just to create a body of impeccable detectives?(Now this point I am confused about as just heard another interview of Kejriwal in Loksabha TV where he said lokpal can prosecute whereas in NDTV he claimed the opposite). Now if it is that the Lokpal can prosecute the solution is even better. The Lokpal can prosecute the judiciary and the judiciary can prosecute the Lokpal – A CLASSIC CASE OF YOU SCRATCH MY BACK AND I WILL SCRATCH YOURS OR YOU MESS WITH ME AND I WILL THEN MESS WITH YOU

When the Anna Hazare campaign started last time around, the campaign was against corruption – a cause many of us support (different case in point that most who support it are themselves corrupt to the core) but this time around the campaign has moved to bringing only Jan LokPal bill. It’s like asking people to unite against terrorism (a cause I assure you, will draw much larger crowds than what we see now), and then say the only solution is to pass the draconian Pota Law, and this is what people have gathered for. Sadly this is how the entire concept is being hijacked and the reason why this time I have refused to support the movement.

There are other reasons also why I am against the movement this time. The earlier time the movement was to debate the Jan LokPal bill. Sadly this time around, maybe cause they have tasted blood (seeing the crowd support), they have changed their tune and it is now only his bill which is the right bill. As much as I agree that the Government bill is a complete useless one, the fact is there are other views also coming into the picture which can be debated and discussed. But the Anna team refuses. This clearly shows an attitude of arrogance and dictatorship, something which is against our basic constitution. Besides it can set a dangerous precedent as many have pointed out and tomorrow someone can come out on the street and ask for anything citing this movement as an example. I know many will argue that we the citizen’s are smart and won’t support a wrong cause, but the fact that we are not is amply proved by the fact that we still could not vote out one corrupt politician.


So is this entire movement unjustified? Answer is NO.. We are thankful to Anna Hazare for bringing this debate to our coffee table and ensuring the Government does pay heed to the woes of the common citizen. Without this movement it would take another 50 years before such a bill was even discussed (though the RTI bill is a case in point that civil society can push such bills without a mass movement, but nevertheless). But now it’s time to get off the high horse and actually try and solve the problem. Let the movement be such that we have more accountability and better systems in place so that taking bribe becomes an impossibility. Punishment is certainly no deterrent to corruption and will not save us. Prevention will. So let us all unite this time to come up with a solution which prevents corruption, and not just punishes once the act is done.

I SAY NO TO RACISM…..

Say No to racism

This entire shahrukh khan being detained episode has suddenly taken a new turn – racism. Its suddenly cause we asians that they treat us this way. And of course we Indians cannot tolerate that….How dare you be racist..but look inside us..are we Indians not the most racist community? And unlike them we are proud to be so and flaunt it…

Every other day I meet parents who object to their children marrying someone who does not follow their religion, or is not of their caste, creed, etc. For them their lineage is above all and everyone else who tries to sabotage it is wrong…So isnt that racism? When I get up and say my religion is better than yours, my caste, my creeed, etc, etc…Then why complain about the Whites being racist. Hell we make a much better case of racism than they ever could. I remember the movie “Guess Who’s coming to Dinner” where Joanna (the heroine) does not want to believe her parents are racist . I still remember the last dialogue of Spencer Tracy (the father) where he tells his daughter “Anybody couId make a hell of a good case against your getting married. The arguments are so obvious that nobody has to make them. But you’re two wonderfuI peopIe…who happened to fall in love…and happen to have a pigmentation probIem.And l think that now…no matter what kind of a case some bastard couId make..against your getting married…there wouId be only one thing worse.And that wouId be if knowing what you two are, knowing what you two have, and knowing what you two feel you didn’t get married”. I wonder even today how many parents can tell their kids this. That is a 1967 movie and in 1967 america made a movie which said hey we are racist but we hide it. Its 2009 today and India still says we are racist and we flaunt it. AND WE DO NOTHING…
Riots are also a sign of racism when one group gets up and tells another group, hey I will kill you cause I am better than you in terms of religion, etc. I remember a very close friend of mine once told me why riots happen (This was during the Godhra epsiode). He said its mob fury and gave me an example. What happened if a muslim guy killed him ? Now he being a dear friend of mine, Wouldnt i be so angry that I would feel all muslims are wrong and go kill another muslims. That is what causes riots. Now that got me thinking that he was absolutely right. Except what would happen if some Hindu in some riot God forbid had even remotely harmed Shireen (a very close friend of mine) or her family or Immy chacha and his family(immy chacha is dad’s schoolmate and more than family for me), would I blame all Hindus and go kill them? Going by that logic, then the first person who needs to be killed would be me as technically speaking I am a Hindu. Or is then the basic premise is that I being a Hindu cannot have a very very very good friend who is a muslim? So we again come down to the basic fact that we so racist that we don’t even want to make friends who are not of our religious beliefs and we say whites are racist????? Wow !!
(I want to make a point that my friend was just putting forth an argument and he did not anyway justify it and isnt racist at all). And again we Indians are so proud to be racist.
And what about when people get killed cause they dont follow your political or social ideology. Isnt that racism? Every other day people get killed for not following an ideology and we let out political leaders flaunt them. And yet we blame whites as being racist.
Now I know a lot of you will say well we cannot change others. Hence what can we do. But is there really nothing we can do? Like Gandhiji said, “We need to be the change we wish to see in the world”. I dont want to be a part of the world where people discrimate each other cause every discrimanation is racism. I know there is not much we can do, but that does not mean there is nothing we can do. I remember I took a stand 4 years back that I don’t interview or hire anyone who writes their religion or caste in their resume. For me it was simple if that was your identity, I don’t want to hire you cause I want people to rise above that. Cause such beliefs give rise to racism. This is something we have been following for a long time irrespective of how good the candidate is. In my company we truly believe in being equality. We celebrate every festival and we only let people’s religion come out to enjoy food. Part of our induction states that in the 9 hours people are in the office they will not discrimate against anyone cause of their colour, race, religion, sexual preference, etc. Our ethos says “While at least in the company premises treat everyone AS JUST ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH”. Maybe this is nothing and will bring in no change to the world but at least in those 9 hours I am saying “Hey stop being racist while you with me” with the hope that the rest of the 13 hours too would make everyone feel the same way.
I say no to racism in any form…Do you?

This post originally appeared in my original blog worldasisee,wordpress.com on August 23, 2009 and this is just a reproduction. Hence posting date might be later than the date mentioned

WHEN INTO THAT HEAVEN OF FREEDOM, WILL MY FATHER, MY COUNTRY AWAKE?

Today when YSR’s death loomed large over India, the one common comment I heard from a lot of people  is He was a good CM. He did make his money but he did a lot for people and it got me thinking, have we become so immune to corruption that we feel if politcians work for us we can forgive their corruption. Before I proceed further, I would like to make it clear that am not making any aspersion on Mr Reddy and do hope his soul rests in peace. But the fact remains that as common people we are immune to corruption?

There is a common saying in India, that you cannot be in politics if you are not corrupt. And yet every Indian blindly agrees that our PM who is the highest post holder of our democratic system (Presidency is not part of the elected system) is incorruptable. Dr Manmohan even after so many years in office holds the same esteem he held when he started his journey. So doesn’t that mean that if we want we can remain clean even in the most corrupt systems? Then why are so ready to accept corruption in our lives? Why can we not say no matter what good you have done, corruption will not be tolerated?
Corruption isn’t only about money. Corruption can be about power. Our erstwhile US President Mr George Bush was so corrupted that he felt his favourite pastime was to wage wars so that all can say how invincible America is. And so convinced were people that he could save them that many americans voted him back for a second time, forgiving his sins, even though most americans felt he was completely wrong in fighting war specially in Iraq. Thankfully they decided they will say no to his corruption of power and voted the democrats back to power this time and the basic underlying theory behind this presidential election was they said no to corruption – Corruption of power.
Corruption can also be a form of bigotry – something we see so prevalent in India. Yes Mr Modi, our chief minsiter from Gujerat has done a lot for his state and in spite of my sheer disrespect for him I will still accept that and admire it. But does that mean we forgive him for the sheer disrespect he shows to all muslims including justifying the riots? Is development enough to justify that corruption? And if not, then why are we not getting up and saying no matter what good you have done, you are corrupt and I will not vote for you.
And then of course there is corruption of money. Most politcians and bureaucrats in India has money beyond their reasonable means of income and yet we don’t question them. We don’t ask how a LK Advani has such wealth or how a Rahul Gandhi became richer in last 5 years with new shops? We don’t ask how come the police officers have bungalows which are way way beyond their any known source of income. We tolerate it and if they by chance do some good work, we say hey that’s ok. He at least did some good work, as if doing that good work was so unexpected of him. Actually doing any work for which he was getting salary was so unexpected of him.
And of course there is corruption of authority. Our every politician feels they are our Lord and Master. I saw a news the other day where the Rajasthan Govt actually passed an order saying one needs to pay our respect to every MP and MLA who they meet and their were definite guidelines as to what constituted respect. That too is corruption. In a country which is reeling under drought and all politicans find every reason to fight with each other for every reason under the sun, in Karnataka the one bill which got passed without even the slightest of fights was the Bill which increased every politcian’s income by 200% minimum. That too is corruption. For every time that the MPs and MLAs stage a walk out of the parliament and not work, they waste our (the tax payer’s money). That too is corruption. And yet we silently accept it as that is what we are used to.
When will a day come when we say no to corruption? When we get up and say NO MATTER WHAT GOOD YOU DO, I WILL NOT TOLERATE CORRUPTION? When will a day come when we say we wont give bribes, and let me see what you can do? When will a day come when we say we won’t tolerate corruption and will exercise our democratic powers to say no to such corrupt people who stand for elections? When will we realise that politicans and bureacrats doing their work well is nothing great but that is their job and the reason why we elected them and pay their salaries and does not justify corruption. When will the day come “WHEN INTO THAT HEAVEN OF FREEDOM, MY FATHER, WILL MY COUNTRY AWAKE?”


Note : This post originally appeared in my original blog worldasisee,wordpress.com on September 04, 2010 and this is just a reproduction. Hence posting date might be later than the date mentioned

Marxism and the Corporate World

Marxism in Corporate World

Being born in a communist family I was always educated about the marxism and what Karl Marx taught about socialism. Somehow as an youngster i sort of equated socialism with being poor, the right to strike, the right not to work and still demand wages, etc. As I grew up I of course realised that I was wrong but I used to be still intrigued as to why most communist leaders used to oppose anything which would mean profits. Was Profit such a bad word? Did Karl Marx really say being rich was being bad? Why was making profits such a bad thing? Why was communism in my state equated with anti business? Why was it said that communism killed the work culture? And that is when I got to actually doing some fact finding myself about what Karl Marx actually said. What Marx actually said was that wealth of a company belonged to its workers and compensation depended on his value brought into the company. But tell me how can a company be wealthy if its workers are on strike. How can a company be wealthy if people do not work and consider a right to still be employed a birthright? Now Marx never said be lazy, did he? I once remember ages ago hearing an interview of a marxist labour union leader from West Bengal who said he had met a labour union leader in China. Apparently during his meeting it came out that his Chinese counterpart was agitating against the management cause of some treatment meted out to an employee. Of course the gentleman in question asked his Chinese friend why were they not going on a strike and I still remember what his Chinese counterpart had said “I am a labour union leader. If there is no labour being done then what am I a leader of? I will protest but stopping work is not the way of doing it.” Those words struck me even then and yet I saw my state lumbering its way through countless strikes and corporates moving away. Not one labour union leader realised that wealth cannot be distributed unless wealth is created. Some say Karl Marx’s theory is redundant in today’s world. But I feel its the most relevant in the world of today. If an employee’s pay is directly related to the welfare of the firm then both will be profitable. If every employee is a stake holder, then before going on strikes . If every employee is a stake holder then every employee will think twice before being lazy at work. If every employee’s benefit’s depended on the company’s welfare they would think a million times before they force a firm to accept an errant employee back as that errant employee would result in the company’s profit margin coming down. After all the end intention is to distribute wealth and unless its created it can never be distributed. And Karl Marx never said don’t be rich. Infosys is one of the greatest example of the above theory being a success. They created wealth and they distributed it among its employees. But you see nothing in this world came free. Hence each employee was made a stakeholder of that company. So if you want the wealth you have to work for it. The fruits of labour cannot come unless you have a stake in that business. I know many people will say this is simplifying the entire problem. Maybe it is. But its still better than the world where I came from where communism became synonym with strikes and laziness. And its certainly a start to ending the never ending enmity that capitalism and communism cannot co-exist. In today’s world the only way ahead is a synergy of both the thoughts. One needs to reinvent the wheel today if one has to survive and if communism has to survive in India, it has to befriend the corporate world and accept that making money is not all that bad.

The News Media needs a dictionary ..Please contribute

The Indian News Media

When I was a kid I used to hear my dad say that he had learnt English listening to English News on the Radio and reading the Statesman. He was quite sure English Media could teach any kid English. Now I too had the same idea that if I ever have kids they too will read the English newspaper and watch the news (radio being a defunct medium now at least for news broadcast) to learn the Queen’s language till I started following their reporting of late. And I felt if anything they need the dictionary first.

Let me elaborate my point with examples. If all of you recall sometime back there was a major controversy with Varun Gandhi making comments regarding the Muslim community. Now of course the media instead of ignoring that jerk, decided to give him all the media space he could have asked for in his entire lifetime, of course in the name of holding up the truth. Now here comes the fun of it. Priyanka Gandhi had gone for some election rally when she was constantly asked by journalists about what she felt about her estranged cousin’s remarks. First she avoided and then like any normal decent human being she commented saying it was not something she was taught as and of course the blah blah comments on how the Gandhi family was taught otherwise, etc. She did not criticise, shout, or do anything but simply commented that it was not her philosophy and that too on being asked. Now I watched the news that day all day. So here she was giving a live interview, that too on being questioned incessantly but what is the coverage we get half hour later in all news channels. “PRIYANKA GANDHI SLAMS HER COUSIN”. Now the OED defines Slam as censuring someone harshly or forcefully. Now under no circumstances did she even censure the man cause she was quite clear it was not her job. So how did the word “slam” get attached to it? Did someone here mention the word TRP? Please we are talking of the honest media here. The 4th estate. And how can you demean it by saying TRP? They are not here for business but for telling us the truth. Please understand that in their busy schedule they forgot to buy an OED for themselves and hence the honest mistake.
Now let’s go to another example. How many of us have see the word “breaking news” flashing across your screen all day in all news channel. Now the OED dfines “breaking news” as a news which is just flashed. Now you must admit that rarely does news happen 24 hour which can be broken into the media. And a news cannot be called breaking news if its 2 hours old. Now again did someone say eyeballs, viewership, etc? Tsk tsk. No. Those poor people do not have the dictionary with them. So the mistake. If only someone told them that it should be flashed as news update, they would have, but poor guys do not know the same.
Now if you think am only saying people in the audio visual media need the OED you are wrong. Even the poor print guys need a dictionary. Let me give you another instance of the poor language being misused. Am sure all of you guys are quite used to controversy relating to MOS Mr Shashi Tharoor. Now poor man being part of the UN, etc uses too much of the queen’s language not understanding that the Indian media has no clue about the same. Poor chaps tweets about cattle class. Now cattle class is a word coined by the Americans to define economy class travel and has nothing to do with the word cattle, same as barking up a tree does not call one a dog. But our ignorant media of course had headlines the next day “Shashi Tharoor calls Indian masses cattle”. Poor chap had he said Indian people leads a dog’s life I can just imagine the report. “MOS Tharoor calls Indian middle class dog” Anyway now as tragedy happened some smart alec brought it to their notice that what cattle class really meant. So then they went running to the Congress for some comments and those people not knowing what hit them, had to say they do not accept such comments. Now next came the report “Congress rebukes Tharoor”. Now firstly your lack of the knowledhe of the language creates a controversy and then you create a further controversy by asking people for comments and then saying they are rebuked and then taking the high moral ground stating why don’t politcians have a sense of humour or know the language?
Now Please don’t say our 4th estate is corrupt and they did this just to sensationalise the news and create news when they had none. How many times do I need to remind you its all cause they do not have the knowledge.
Now I know a lot of you cynics will say all this is done for TRP, money, eyeballs, etc, etc but I honestly still feel its cause they do not have a dictionary with them. Hence I would like to contribute to them. I will admit I am doing so for my own selfish reasons as tomorrow when I have kids, I want one headache less. At least the media can do the job of teaching them English like my dad learnt, and anyone who knew him will admit that his hold on the language was par excellence. For all those who agree with me, PLEASE PLEASE DO CONTRIBUTE. All contributions towards this noble cause will grant you a place in the history for saving the English language.
PS : Same applies for all vernacular language and hence please contribute generosuly for them too.

We don’t need to outsource terrorists…we manufacture them in-house and elect them to power

Modern Day Terrorists

Terrorism today is and rightly so, one of the educated modern world’s biggest threat. Its no longer a distant reality which happens only in Kashmir in our country, or Iran or Iraq but something which can happen to any one of us. Its no longer confined to the lower strata of society but something which can affect even the elite of today. Today it is our duty to fight it and irradicate it or tomorrow we too will fall victims of the same. Today an Osama Bin Laden is no longer a problem that affect Afghanistan but even our very own India. Terrorism is a reality.

But before we start on fighting terrorism, it is important to know what defines terrorism. Now wikipedia has a big article on the same topic. Terrorism apparently comes from the latin word  which means to frighten. The word “terrorism” was first recorded in English-language dictionaries in 1798 as meaning “systematic use of terror as a policy”. Terrorism is nothing but the act or threat of violence by any individual, group, organization aimed at to secure predetermined ends through illegal channels.
Now on reading this article on wikipedia the thoughts which should naturally come to our mind would be of Osama Bin Laden or Hafiz Sayed or a Kasab. But strange that after reading the article the names which came to my mind were of Raj Thakeray, Bajrang Dal, Shiv Sena, Pramod Muthalik, Narendra Modi, Mayavati, etc….our political class and their so called outfits.
Today a Raj Thakeray can get up and openly say he will break every movie theatre which shows a “Wake up Sid” cause they called Mumbai, Bombay. Now is that not an act of terrorism? They threatened violence, its illegal to stop screening and it was for a predertermined end. Now terrorism, could not have been defined better than by this act. But we cannot call them terrorists cause we elected them.
A Shiv Sena has for years on raged terror on Valentine’s Day claiming it is against Indian culture, etc or whatever crap they have. They have systematically used terror as a way to get what they want or at least try. They have terrorised the Muslims, the North Indians, etc in the name of Marathi Manoos and got away with it. There was an interview of Uddhav Thakeray a few days back in NDTV where he said he knew how to use his hand in other ways too if people did not listen to him. In other words, agree to what i say or face the music. Terrorism is defined in OED as the systematic use of terror and for Shiv Sena it seems to be part of their political agenda. Then pray tell me how is that not terrorism?
We have a Mayavati who openly gets up and conducts meetings and says if the courts of India tries and stops her from getting those parks up, India will see bloodbath, that they have never seen in their life. Now according to League of Nations Convention (1937) “All criminal acts directed against a State and intended or calculated to create a state of terror in the minds of particular persons or a group of persons or the general public”.  So tell me how is this act of Mayavati not an act of terrorism.
Of course we also along with that have instances of Narendra Modi heaping terror on Muslims in the Gujarat riots, we have heard of HKL Bhagat terrorising and killing Sikhs in the 1984 riots, we have had the likes of Pramod Muthalik who can openly say they will beat us women up if we are seen in a pub, etc. We live in a democracy where politicians openly say that if you not with me, it means you against me and I will kill you. West Bengal proves is proving it everyday for the last one year where the opposition and the ruling party have killed humans like they are chickens
Yes today terrorism is India’s biggest threat and not cause of the Taliban or Al Qaeda or Hizb-ul-Mujahideen or the likes of the world…its the biggest threat cause we elect them to power every year and let them terrorise us and we succumb to it. Everyday when you go out, you don’t know if someone belonging to some outfit will terrorise you cause they don’t like your style of living or who you are. Yes terrorism is a threat but its in our hand to stop it by maybe not electing them or facing a change in the democratic system where hooligans who threat are not allowed to stand for elections Will we is a different question?
So till then I would like to really appeal to all known terrorists who belong to the various outfits like Al Qaeda, taliban, etc, etc…Please do not waste your energy and resources sending us terrorists. We grow them in-house and we democratically elect them too. We call our terrorists Politicians  . And unlike you guys they also get the safe haven that no law can ever even repirimand them, leave alone prosecute them. So leave us alone. We are not outsourcing terror anymore. We have enough in-house.

An open letter to the prime minister (shareholder to CEO of country)

A letter to Dr Manmohan Singh

Dear Mr Prime Minister,

I am writing this letter to you out as I believe that you are the CEO of my country and since I pay my taxes (quite unhappily though), which runs the country I guess that makes me a shareholder and  I feel it gives me a right to bring up certain issues to you. Hence the letter.
I will first start with the functioning of your parliament which I guess is the headquarters of the office you run. I run an organisation here and though am a very relaxed person about rules of attending office on time, etc I cannot in the world imagine how you can have a parliament where your parliamentarians play truant many times and some even 100% of the the time and yet they are allowed to have their job. Better still they get paid for the same. May I know as to how you can spend my money to pay those guys who do not turn up at work? And the ones who do turn up, many of them do not work. I hope you understand that we as citizens pay your salary so you work and not come to the parliament and do nothing? You have a huge percentage of members who have not once whatsoever raised a question in the question hour or done any meaningful work. Yet we seem to keep paying their salaries every month. Honestly its not amazing that the country is in this mess, with such employees. Or should I say its amazing the country is not in worse mess even though it has such employees running the show????????? I do understand that as CEO you have a limited role in some of these cases but at least the employees whom you have brought in, can you not regulate them? And on the same note I would like to add, that I would want you to hire and promote people based only on their expertise and qualifications. I really do not want the first woman President, or the first dalit speaker, or the first sikh prime minister. I just want honest and able people to lead the positions. So if you could kindly refrain from using people’s birth as their qualifications I guess it would do us a world of good.
I would like to bring to your notice another working of your organisation which amazes me. I see many a times that your employees raise the issue of media regulation especially the television. Many times I have heard your information and broadcast minister send notices to television channels about the programs they telecast and the impact they have on children, our society, etc. I mean honestly speaking have your team members ever seen their delinquent behaviour which gets telecast on television daily? Have they ever felt the need to regulate that in regards to the fact that it would spoil the kids or the society. Seeing you guys fight, abuse each other in a place of work, one needs to regulate that channel more than any other channel ever. Why has your minister never brought up that topic? Have they not once thought the kind of impact it would have? Please as CEO can you ask your information and broadcasting minister to first check this telecast before they cast aspersions on others??
The other thing which worries me immensely as a shareholder is the blatant way you guys even in this economy increase your salaries and perks. I do understand that they are the needs and we need to pay you well to function, etc but have you ever calculated the amount of money we spend behind each of your employee? its Rs 2.66 lakhs a month? And time and again you guys increase the same, not once asking the shareholders if they feel like appraising you at all? As CEO of the country, I appreciate you telling the private sector to stop paying the eye popping salaries they pay their employees, but after seeing the salaries you pay your employees, I wonder why the same yard stick is not used to measure your employees?
Mr Prime Minister, I would also like to understand that every year in spite of the dismal performance of the Government I as shareholder have not taken away my faith from this country and moved to another (though honestly that is something which I am very much wondering now) but what have you given me in return? Have we in the last 50 years even made an attempt to improve the selection procedure of the employees we hire? I run an organisation and I ensure I do their background check, check their resume, etc before I even call them for an interview. Yes I too sometimes still choose wrong employees, but you Mr CEO seem to go wrong in the selection process itself. I see no criteria being given to choose your set of probable employees except the fact that they are interested. Also nepotism seems to be the ideal way of choosing the hopeful candidate? Can you please advise me as to why after so many years I still see no improvement in the same and how do you plan to address the issue?
Mr Prime Minister I would also like to talk to you about the various committees successive CEO’s of the country have set up to investigate various and countless crimes done by previous management. When I run my firm, I cannot in the world imagine how I can give a work out without first fixing a budget and a timeframe for the same along with of course the execution plan. But in your company, no matter who is in the helm of affairs the story remains the same. Tell me honestly, do you expect your shareholders to believe it takes 20 years to investigate a crime spending billions of rupees and to give the information which was anycase privy to all? Why may I know are we not changing the system?
The other matter which plagues me a lot is the prizes you decide to confer on sports personalities, namely cricket. Though I do understand that its a very entertaining sport and one which I personally enjoy but I see no reason to give special status to them using my funds in the company while you deprive the others. If you want to spend my money please make it equitable and based on certain criteria, else please do not. I have not invested my money for this.
The other point I would like to understand from you is what is your criterian for breaking the states and making it smaller ones? Is it cause of governance or just cause someone protests? And if it is the latter why not separate out the states which want to leave us? Or is it size matters? States can be separated but not the country? If not, I would like to understand what is the due diligence being done before you or your board take such decisions?
Before I end, Mr Prime Minister I would like to tell you that basically I find you a very able CEO and definitely much much better than any previous management we have had in a long long long time. Hence I felt, that maybe you would try and solve the functioning of this company before its too late and shareholders plan to leave you for other companies. Thus the letter. I do hope that the letter will be received in the right spirit and I hope very soon it will be a pleasure to invest here.
Warm Regards
A small shareholder

Another open letter to Mr Bal Thakeray…Extending my support(sic) again

Dear Mr Thakeray,

I hope my last letter has reached you and you have realised what an ardent fan and follower you have in me. Sir, this letter is being sent to you as I am seriously worried about you and your party’s health and want to once again extend my humble support to you.

The divisive politics of Bal Thakeray

Sir, I have been following the news following the Pune attack. Sir, you should immediately break ties with the BJP and even some of your party men should refrain from talking to the media. Sir, you guys have blamed the ruling Maharashtra for the the Pune attacks blaming them that had they not used the entire police force to ensure the smooth release of “My Name is Khan” this would not have happened. Sir, for the first time you have got the support of the entire country cause most feel this way, except they all have attached a rider to your statement. Sir, everyone saying had you not created a ruckus and ensured that the police had not been occupied to protect the state from your hooliganism, which unfortunately they had to do, they would have been able to stop this Pune attack. Oh sir, you do not understand, they will now implicate you, and sir this time they will hang you sir, as you are guilty of ensuring a terrorist attack in this country. Oh sir, I fear for you.
Sir, there is one more problem I heard which is cropping up for you. I heard sir, most industries including the film industry have got tired of your mafia politics and have decided to shift base from Maharashtra to other states. Sir then sir what will happen? Sir, I fear many Maharashtrians will then be forced to leave the city affecting your vote percentage, but sir, I think that will not affect you much as the sane people who will leave would anycase have never voted for you. But sir, what will affect you is the fact is the people who will stay back. Sir, they will mostly have no jobs left except to drive a taxi, which thanks to all your hooliganism will be reserved only for them. But problem, sir will be that by then no one in Maharashtra will have any money left to ride a taxi as no jobs will be there. And sir, all these Maharashtrians you fighting for to become cab drivers will finally get cabs but without any passengers. Sir, then even this miniscule percentage of people, who still, for some weird concocted reason vote for you, will stop voting for you and rather abuse you. Sir, what will you do then? You will move into oblivion and die a slow death either in jail (where you will have lots of company with the likes of you) or in your huge home alone. Oh sir, I feel so sad.
Sir, fearing this I came up with an idea which sir, I got it from you and your supporters. Sir, like your supporters bought tickets for Mr ShahRukh Khan to leave for Lahore, I bought tickets for you sir. I raised money which every citizen in the country was so willingly read to give (God bless each one of them. They are so nice sir, to do this good deed to help you out). Sir, I bought tickets for you for every country in the world, so that you can go anywhere in the world sir. But sir, I again ran into problems. No other country sir, was ready to have you, even for a day, as a guest, forget having you as a permanent citizen. Oh sir, now what will you do sir? India does not want you and the countries will not take you. Sir, you have no future sir. Oh sir, I guess your only future will be in jail (which I think will be a safe haven for you sir) or sir it will be by being beaten up in public sir, by citizens of India, and since they have learned it very well from who else but you, they know the art of beating up people quite well.
Sir, I feel so sorry for you. I was such an ardent admirer, fan and follower of you. Oh sir, if only you had mend your ways and did what is good for the country, you would have had such a different life. Oh sir, what will happen to me now that you gone sir. Oh sir, you are doomed.
Sir, I have to end my letter now. I cannot control my tears any more as am so heartbroken, visualising your complete dark future. I wish these Indians understood what a great man you were. After all, you could do what no man has ever done. Unite every Indian. Unite them in their belief that you sir, are nothing but a menace to society and every Indian. I wish they sir, realised how you became bad so they could be united (Sir, that .01% who still vote for you, will stop voting soon too, so I can say it will be a 100% vote against you). But such is life, sir.
Your ardent admirer till her dying breath
Priyashmita

An open letter to Mr Bal Thakeray…And to Support(sic) him

Dear Mr Thakeray,

The divisive politics of Bal Thakeray

I really will say I have become quite an admirer of you. Who else has the guts to tell people like Mr Sachin Tendulkar, Mr Shah Rukh Khan, Mr Mukesh Ambani that they are traitors, etc with such elan and panache I wonder. But you do, and for that I salute you.

And since I am such admirer of you, I hope you will let me ask you a few questions which will clarify some doubts I have. Sir, I am only asking these as I want to defend you, when people speak against you which today constitutes 99.99% of the countrymen and women.

You have been saying that we should not let Australian players play in India. I completely support you on this. How dare they beat us up and how can we let them play in our country post that? But just a small question, when you beat up North Indians and Maharashtrians go to North India to play for various sports, I hope it is ok for them to stop them from playing or for that matter working there or living there? Naah? Oh wrong question I guess. I am sorry sir. I completely forgot different rules apply for you and for others. I will remember this next time someone tells me this sir. Oh sorry, I should not have said that in public? Am so sorry sir. Forgive me.

There is one more thing I support you for sir. Your total vandalism during Valentine day celebrations. How can we allow something so western in our country. Its completely unacceptable to tell someone you love them. I too deplore it. Hence you spread hatred which I agree India stands for. But sir, somebody that day told me there was a singer called Mr Michael Jackson who was a great pop star in USA. (I am against western culture and hence do not know much, but I hear he represented the western culture quite well). Sir, did you bring him to our country for a music concert? But sir, that would have spoilt our generations for years to come cause it was completely western and people would be dancing and singing sir? Oh sorry, did you say that was business and money for you and your family and hence acceptable? And on that ground, you are ok to let western civilisation take over us? Well sir, I apologise then. Next time anyone speaks against you, on this ground I will tell them this. Oh oh, I am sooooo sorry. That was not for public knowledge, right sir? Forgive me, will you sir for letting out the secret?

Sir, there was another subject which has been brought to my notice. Your son and you too always say that you don’t support vandalism and when people belonging to your party vandalise they do it as a spontaneous reaction. Sir, I completely agree. How can you control people sir? But sir, people are giving some weird definitions of being a leader. Some people have the gaul to say that a leader means he has followers whom he can control, who listen to him. One even told me dictionary defines leadership as a process by which a person influences others to accomplish an objective. So if you cannot control them it means you not a leader. Sir I of course told them, it is completely untrue and you can control and these followers are doing so cause you are telling them to, else would not. I did the right thing sir, right? They were saying you not a leader. Oh sorry, did I goof up? Does that implicate you in criminal proceedings for supporting and initiating vandalism? I am so sorry Sir. Please forgive me.

By the way Sir, I want to congratulate you sir for taking on the mights of Sachin Tendulkar, Mr Mukesh Ambani, Mr Shah rukh Khan. I completely agree sir they are traitors. After all what have they done for us? Got us awards and made country proud? Made the Indian economy go soaring high? Made us an international force in the world in each of their respective domains? And not supporting you in something, becuase it is unconstitutional? Of course sir they are traitors. You sir, is the true champion of Indians. You are advocating dividing the country and talking something that the constitution says gives the country to arrest you and put you behind bars. But so what sir. Even freedom fighters went behind bars and that time what they said was unconstitutional as far as the British were concerned. You sir, are managing single handedly to do what Pakistan, whom you call as our enemy can never ever achieve . Dividing the country and making us hate our own countrymen, thus weakening the country. Oh sorry, wrong analogy sir? Am I getting you into trouble? I apologise sir. Please Please forgive me sir.

And finally sir, please please do something about these people who say bad bad things about you. Sir, they say you a hypocrite sir. Sir, they saying you actually had Mr Javed Miandad in your home who happens to be related to Mr Dawood Ibrahim, our most wanted criminal? Sir apparently post that you did a press conference praising him. And sir, these bad bad majority Indians, are also saying if you so against relationships with Pakistan, why are you not screaming at Mr Amitabh Bachhan who is reciting poetry with them for some very wrong program that Times of India is conducting in India called “Aman ki Asha”? Sir they are calling you publicity hungry and thats why you opposing “My Name Is Khan”. But sir, I fiercely fought for you. I told them you against “My Name is Khan” cause Mr ShahRukh Khan made some innocuous statement that we Indians should have shown more grace when we handle Pakistan players especially when there is a problem. I told them sir how dare Mr ShahRukh say something which show Indians in a positive light. We will never accept such blasphemy. But sir, one problem I could not tell them why you allowed Mr Javed Miandad to come and then praised him or why you not saying anything against TOI and Mr Bachhan, who is your friend, cause it supports the same thing you opposing. Sir, I keep saying its cause its been slipping your mind. You will oppose it too. Right, Sir? No, sir? Oh sorry sir, you cannot as they are your friends and you actually have no such cause that you believe in? Oh sir, you mean in your heart of hearts you actually a hypocrite who does not follow what you preach? Oh sorry sir, I again told something in public which I should not sir. Sorry sir, I fall at your feet. Please forgive me for confirming what all know sir. Please sir, I know you love apologies and I am apologising from the bottom of my heart sir.

Sir, I guess I am really making things bad for you by letting the cat out of the bag. I don’t want to sir, cause I really admire you. Hence I will not write anymore sir. Hope sir, I have not harmed you in any way.

But sir, before I end I want to tell you a few things, which might actually help you.

1. Promote Australians to kill us more. So far mostly they have killed north indians. It will take the burden off you from killing them
2. Promote V day. Makes more economic sense like it did when you brought it Mr Jackson
3. Slyly help Pakistani terrorists, etc divide us. Will help your agenda in removing all North Indians away from Maharashtra and you can be happy with only Maharashtrians in your land.

And Sir, to all who call us a banana republic, I say we not. We a republic who have the most thick skinned buffoons as their citizens and hence we vote for you Mr Thakeray and we do not ban parties like you.

I salute you sir and I salute us Indian citizens even more for voting you and your party year after year, even though they know what you represent. For that sir, and that alone, we deserve you and deserve the way you sending the country to the dogs !! Keep up the good work sir.

With deepest regards

Priyashmita

PS : And I hope I will not be asked to tender any further apology, sir, as have apologised all through the letter. I am aware how much you love apologies

The state of state of West Bengal….

Angry Mother India writes to her children…

Yeh hai India Meri Jaan

Dear Children (Since you call me motherland I guess I can call you children),

Firstly let me tell you that I am nowadays a little irritable, which is understandable at my age. I am thousands of years old. It’s been quite some time since I stopped counting and hence cannot tell you my exact age but it’s been a long time since I was born. Hence my patience level is obviously quite low. On top some of you guys have managed to really make me upset and hence this letter to a lot of you. Also excuse me if I cannot address each one of you by name. I know you my children and mothers should no know each of their kid by name, but having a 1.15 billion kids is no mean task. I am sure you guys will excuse me for that. If not try having 200 kids and remember each one by name. On second thought, leave it (You might just attempt it). So let me start with my letter and the reason for me writing to you guys.
Since we on the topic of billion kids, let me start with that. Tell me something, why do I have a billion kids? I understand children are great and I personally love them a lot. But can you imagine going to labour a billion times? Let me ask you women, can you do it? And you men, how does it matter to you? Just cause you men don’t have to bear the kids and just can enjoy fruits of your labour after birth, you guys don’t care do you? I assure you had this been your fatherland and not motherland you guys would have thought twice. No wonder Germany has not such a huge population cause the men realize the pains of giving birth. So if you guy don’t mind, and if you ladies can explain the pains of labour, can we please first control that. Am tired of giving birth to a baby every second, and honestly its making me more irritable, forget that the labour pain has made me go insane. So please can you control the same?
Now to another topic, which I am intrigued about, more than worried. Did we by any chance really invent the time machine? And for some reason it only goes backwards and not forwards? Else how can you explain that Mahabharata was more modern in terms of women’s lib than Ramayana? Or we abolished the caste system in 1960 but in 2010 you guys’ practice caste based politics. Or the fact that we became secular in 1950 but in 2010 we have politics based on religion. So tell me did we invent it? If so, great news, but can we please correct it so it moves forward to? It’s quite painful reliving history, especially the painful ones, which I thought we migrated from. Please can you check the same and correct it for God’s sake? And if you cannot, at least then stop using it and stay in the Present century and year. Will do you and me a world of good.
There is one more thing which bothers me a lot. Why are you so hell bent in cutting me into pieces? What if I get off and cut off your hand and say hand is more important? Or the leg is more important. Fact is every part of you is important from the hair to the toes. And if am not chopping them off, what makes you think you can chop me off? Next time you think of that, first ampute a part of your body and then let me know how you feel. If you like it, then let us discuss cutting me into pieces
I would like to address my next point to some specific kids of mine – Pramod Muthalik and his Ram Sena, and the moral brigades of India. Firstly sons, how much do you know me that you go defending the “bharatiya sanskriti” or the culture of India? Do you know the Kamasutra was a product of this country? Or have you ever seen the Khajuraho temple? Or did you know the kind of clothes women wore during the olden days, way way before you were born and when I too was much younger? Then what is this that you defending when you tell women what to wear, what not to do, etc? Besides did I ever tell you to defend my culture? If I did not, then why are you harassing them? Honestly speaking I would love to dress the way they do. But alas am old, and I have wrinkles, and hence cannot. But that does not mean my children cannot. So stop telling them what to do or I will have to instruct my children to tell you what to do and trust me you will not like it.
Also back to my other favourite kids – The Thakerays. Tell me something, Bal Thakeray, do you even know that your father was a migrant to Bombay from North India? So technically speaking, you are not a Maharashtrian. Then what gives you the right to beat up my kids from North and tell them they need to go. If I had my Maharashtrian kids throw your father out then, can you imagine what would have happened to you? Actually between you and me, I think I would have been a happier person. And Raj at least if you have branched out, think on your own? You are like the perfect parasite a family should always avoid.
Now back to the children of mine who hurt me the most – The Politicians. I am really not sure why some of you and your ancestors freed me from the British. Honestly speaking at least they hurt me less. They were after all my adopted children who never really accepted me as their motherland. So when they robbed me, it hurt. But you people are my flesh and blood. And to think you guys rob me everyday, and stash away my wealth in Swiss Banks. You do scams after scams, rob my people, divide people and all in the name of doing good. At least my foreign children, admitted they don’t love me. You do and still behave same, if not worse. Honestly all I see is the colour of my rulers have changed. Rest is still the same. Change before the people throw you out too, and throw out they will.
And finally a note to my beloved children – the ordinary citizens of my country. Just what will it take for you to love me, to care for me and to stop ill-treating me? Else how do you justify electing the morons you elect time after time? Or better still avoiding voting, expecting God to do a miracle and change the status of affairs? How do you justify that today we are considered one of the most corrupt nations and you guys complain that things are bad, but are instrumental in making it so? You guys give bribes and then wonder why people ask for them? Is this what makes you proud to be an Indian? Is this the country you or your forefathers freed from the British? I come to you today, to tell you my life and my reputation lies with you. I am angry and as my children can I expect you to do something to change my mood?
On that note, I wish each one of you the very best and hope you guys do something soon
A very angry and old Mother India

Not that I loved Cricket and IPL Less, but that I loved myself more

IPL 4

On 26th of April the Governing council for IPL met to discuss the fate of the game and Mr Lalit Modi and they suspended him. The suspension was followed by a chargesheet giving Lalit Modi 15 days to answer. Following is an imaginary representation of that defence.
(Players – Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra, BCCI treasurer M.P. Pandove, vice presidents Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Jammu and Kashmir Cricket Association chief Farooq Abdullah, IPL vice-chairman Niranjan Shah and former India captains Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi
Hero cum villian – Lalit Modi
Absolutely absent gullible idiots – The general public)
Scene I : Lalit Modi meets the governing council (Scene opens with Mr Modi making an opening speech)
Lalit Modi : Friends, IPL governing council men, and my fellow scamsters ! hear me for my cause, and be silent, that you may hear: believe me for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this meeting, any dear fan of Cricket and IPL, to him I say, that Modi’ love for Cricket and IPL was no less than his. If then that friend demand why I scammed and cheated the IPL, this is my answer:–
Not that I loved Cricket and IPL Less, but that I loved myself more. Had you rather IPL and cricket was kept clean and we die all poor, than that IPL was full of scams, to live all rich men?
As IPL made me rich, I weep for losing it;
as it was combined my love for money and women, I rejoice at it;
as it it made me famous, I honour it:
but, as he was the biggest chance for me to steal without being caught, I robbed it.
There is tears for the fame we got;
joy for the fortune we made;
honour for our ingenuity of pulling it off;
and theft for the money it offerred.
Who is here so base that would be a honest man? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be a ready scam, to get rich? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so vile that will not love being wealthy? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
I pause for a reply.
.(Pauses for 2 minutes)
Shashank Manohar : Thank you Mr Modi. We completely agree with you that NONE HERE IS SO BASE OR RUDE OR VILE that they will not stoop to any levels to get rich. However we cannot take the blame for it, as you were the chairman and made maximum profits from it. Besides we need to show the world that we indicted you even if it was a sham. So please can you answer the showcause notice so we can get over with this sham?
Lalit Modi : Fair enough Mr Manohar. Let me start with your first accusation. Your one accusation reads “Breaching confidentiality clause by tweeting Kochis share-holding pattern”. Now let me refer to you my tweet ““I was told not to get into who owns Rendezvous, specially Sunanda Pushkar. Why”. So tell me where was I wrong in that? I know who owns all the other teams (cause 9 of the 10 teams are owned by me, 1 is owned by my fellow scamster Mr Srinivasan) Herein came a franchise and for the first time, and I knew nothing about. I genuinely wanted to ask who owns the franchise and hence tweeted about the shareholders’ details that I did have, so someone could tell me about the rest?. Tell me what was wrong with it? It was after all an innocent query to know who dared owned a team, without us?
Ravi Shastri : I think he has a point. After all the rest are all know to us. And he only divulged the information so we all could know, who was so conniving as to steal our scamster’s wealth and make it their own?
Lalit Modi : Thank you Ravi. Your next accusation was “Arm-twisting successful bidder- Kochi, to withdraw” Now you guys have already agreed with me that none here is so vile as not to love being wealthy. You also know that 9 of the 10 franchises are owned by my family and friends. One is owned by Mr Srinvisan. In other words in every franchise we make money. So tell me, would you allow the advent of a franchise whose prosperity would not prosper us? Besides how can one Ms Sundanda Puskar get sweat equity when it is our sweat which is made the IPL such a huge money swindling machine? Was it her sweat which got this grand scheme in place? Then how could she get sweat equity when we 12 members have shed our sweat? So then was I wrong in trying to arm twist them to withdraw, so we could get a franchise where we could have stakes and earn money? If anyone here is so base to feel so, speak up now, or forever hold your silence
Inderjit Singh Bindra : I think he has a point. We shed our sweat and someone else took the sweat equity. We took the trouble of changing the BCCI rules so we could own IPL teams. Some of us unfortunately are not rich enough to own it with our own money, but then we could have been given sweat equity, couldn’t we? I think Lalit was right in arm twisting them to move out and sad that he failed. Lalit I support you in this
Lalit Modi: Thank you Mr Bindra. Now to your third allegation – “the unexplained 80 million USD facilitation fee about which BCCI was kept in the dark”. So let me explain the meaning of facilitation fee? Let me then tell you, dictionary defines facilitation as “act of assisting or making easier the progress or improvement of something”. So as chairman of IPL it was my job to assist and make things easier for the people who wanted telecast rights? Now if I am going to work, should I not be paid for it? So I got paid 80 million USD. For God’s sake if Sunanda Pushkar can get sweat equity without even starting to shed sweat, can I not get fees for facilitating and genuinely helping someone?
Rajiv Shukla: I agree with you, but why did you keep BCCI in the dark?
Lalit Modi: In the dark? Now you guys have admitted that most of your accusations against me are based on media reports. So was this report not flashed last year?Then is it not baseless to say you were kept in the dark? After all the media did throw light on this?
Rajiv Shukla: Hmmmm…..you have a point there.
Lalit Modi: Your next accusation reads “Non-disclosure of interest and stake in RR, Kings XI & KKR”. Now you amended the BCCI rules to ensure we could have a direct stake in IPL. Hence Mr Srinivasan could divulge his interest. Did you give me any such consideration? Did you once think of me, and change the rules so it was legal to have an indirect stake in IPL too? You did not. Yet you expect me to inform you of my family’s and friend’s stakes? How could I?
Srinivasan: I tend to agree with him. We never gave him a platform so he could divulge the information. It’s not his fault that he could not under the circumstances?
Lalit Modi: You accused me of Misappropriation of funds in the 3 editions of IPL . Now I guess all of you will admit, that each one of us have become richer by a few million, in the last 3 years. Please can all of you tell me how were your pockets being filled for the last 3 years if there was no misappropriation of funds? Were you thinking that the funds filling your pockets, which was the reason why all of you kept quiet, was falling from heaven?
M.P. Pandove : Hmmmm. Well you should have made it more clearer.
Lalit Modi: Why Mr Pandove, would the governing council not have taken the money if it was more clearer?
M.P. Pandove: No, No !!! When did we say that? We would have not included the same in the accusation, that’s all
Lalit Modi: Fine Mr Pandove, then maybe we could strike this point and move to the next which is “Irregularities in awarding broadcast & internet rights” . Now can someone please tell me why did we create the IPL? Was it not to ensure we all make profits, while the government and innocent public are made fool of? And was it that not what we did? I awarded the same to people who gave the governing council profits and made each and everyone of us richer than we were before. I am lost. Was there any irregularity in ensuring that? I am shocked at this baseless allegation which says I committed irregularity in ensure we became rich. Did I by any chance award any rights to anyone who rightly deserved it, thus preventing us from getting wealthier?
Sanjay Jagdale: I think he is right. There were no irregularities. After all it was done to make us wealthy and we all have to accept he ensured that without any irregularity. He did nothing honest for us to claim he was irregular. We should drop this charge.
Lalit Modi: Thank you Mr Jagdale. Your next allegation reads Encouraging, attempting collusive bidding. I strongly refute this. Attempting?????????? Lalit Modi is not a failure that he will attempt collusive bidding. He will ensure it. I am not even going to demean myself by responding to this allegation and telling me am incapable of scams.
Niranjan Shah: Please Mr Modi forgive us for we know not what we said. We understand how hurt you must be that we assumed for a second that maybe you failed in your attempt to cheat. We are sorry. Please forgive us.
Lalit Modi: Its ok Mr Shah. But am heartbroken by this allegation. I don’t think I can continue any further. I would like to hand over the answers now in a 15000 page document.
Arun Jaitley: 15000 pages? What have you written there?
Lalit Modi: Well let me tell you it is not so much as my defence, but as facts gathered against each one of you, which I will duly reveal to all, if you decide to prosecute me. So its either me or neither of you.
Chirayu Amin : Hmmmm. This is serious Mr Modi. Do you mind giving us 5 mins to ponder?
Scene II :Governing council discusses how to handle Lalit Modi’s situation under the circumstances
Chirayu Amin : I suggest the following. We all know we cannot prosecute Mr Modi as we were all hand in glove with him. At the same time we need to continue a sham that we are. So I suggest that we take a long time to pretend to understand this document, and then refer it to the disciplinary committee and then that would take a few more months to decide. By then the gullible public will forget everything and we can reinstate him back. In the meantime he can enjoy a well earned holiday roaming the world. After all he worked very hard. Besides it will give him ample time to plan our next scam. If all in favour say “Aye”
Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra,M.P. Pandove, Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Niranjan Shah, Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi : : AYE !!!!
Scene III : Gullible India Public
Gullible India Public : Wow !! BCCI actually did something. They referred him to a disciplinary committee. Now we can expect justice
…………………………….. AND THE STORY NEVER ENDS  AS MANY HINDI MOVIES SAY “THE BEGINNING”

Note : This post originally appeared in my original blog worldasisee,wordpress.com on May 16, 2010 and this is just a reproduction. Hence posting date might be later than the date mentioned

How many scams must the IPL have before they call for a ban…The answer my friend is blowing in the wind

On 26th of April the Governing council for IPL met to discuss the fate of the game and Mr Lalit Modi. Following is an imaginary representation of that meeting.

IPL 4

(Players – Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra, BCCI treasurer M.P. Pandove, vice presidents Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Jammu and Kashmir Cricket Association chief Farooq Abdullah, IPL vice-chairman Niranjan Shah and former India captains Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi
Absent Player but hero cum villian – Lalit Modi
Absolutely absent gullible idiots – The general public)
Scene I : 10 AM Governing Council Meeting (Scene opens with Mr Jaitley reading out the allegations against Mr Modi)
Arun Jaitley : Friends, IPL governing members and fellow scamsters, Lend me your ears. We have come here to bury Modi, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their sacking,
So let it be with Modi …
The noble Mr Shashank Manohar Hath told you Modi was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault, And grievously hath Modi answered it …
Here, under leave of Mr Manohar and the rest, (For Mr Manohar is an honourable man;
So are we all; all honourable men) Come I to speak in Mr Modi’s ouster…
He was our friend, faithful and just to all of us:
But we all say he was ambitious;
And we all are honourable men….
He hath brought many shady deals to IPL,
Whose ransoms did all our pockets fill:
Did this in Modi seem ambitious?
When that the bids could not be rigged, Modi hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet all of you say he was ambitious;
And we all are honourable men.
You all did see that on the negotiation meetings
Sony presented him with a TV Channel
Which he did refuse(he just took a plane): was this ambition?
Yet we all say he was ambitious;
And, sure, we all are honourable men.
I speak not to disprove what we all spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause (he made us rich):
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgement! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And we have lost our biggest scamster…. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Modi and all our money we will lose now,
And I must pause till it come back to me.
(Mourns for 2 minutes)
Shashank Manohar : Thank you Mr Jaitley for your impassioned speech. Indeed we must all mourn Mr Modi. Today is a very sad day for us. Without Mr Modi we have no clue how to pull such grand scams and cheat every regulating authority with such panache. It is a very sad day for us.
Inderjit Singh Bindra : But without Modi, how will we survive? Who will rig the bidding and get us kickbacks? Who? Who? Who? We have to get him back !!
Srinivasan : But we had to sack him. First we needed a fall guy, besides his family’s stake in two IPL’s were sheer conflict of interest. How could we allow that?
Ravi Shastri : DUH !!!! You Mr Srinivasan own the Chennai Super Kings, and that too directly?
Srinivasan : But that is exactly the point. I own it directly. For that I changed the rules of BCCI, which was completely illegal, so I can own the team directly. His mistake was he did NOT change any rules, and made his family own it, but WORSE IS THAT HIS COMBINED FAMILY STAKE IS MORE THAN MY PERSONAL STAKE IN IPL. Tell me. how can I let that happen? So he had to go !!
Ravi Shastri : Makes sense.
MAK Pataudi : But will not the question arise what was the governing council doing here for 3 years? Why did we not raise a stink even when last year the kickback scandal broke?
Rajeev Shukla : What kickback? Mr Pataudi they called it the Facilitation Fee last year. How will we know it was kickback? We thought it was a facilitation fee to facilitate the move. How would we know it was a kickback !!! I just don’t understand this. Last year they call it facilitation fee and this year they call it kickback and expect us to know? I refute this charges vehemently.
Sanjay Jagdale : Absolutely !!! We have no resonsibility. After all we are just the governing council. And what is the governing council supposed to do? Govern the IPL so all things go right? But nothing went right from day one, so technically speaking we cannot be blamed as they gave us everything wrong.
Niranjan Shah : I completely agree with Mr Jagdale. We were cheated. Whenever we asked they said everything was going right. Modi should have told us things were going wrong !! He lied to us, so how can anyone blame us? What do you say Mr Gavaskar. You have been awfully quiet?
Gavaskar : Blame him, sack him, keep him. How do I care? I will sulk and not talk. What was the use of being a governing council member when I could not get my only son Rohan Gavaskar purchased by any team? I hate IPL. I hate Lalit Modi. I want my son  (((((. After all its all about loving one’s son 
M.P. Pandove : Cool down Mr Gavaskar. We all understand. Mr Modi got his step-son-in -law to benefit, and you could not auction your only son? Its unfair. Please Mr Gavaskar, please don’t cry. Am sure God above will understand and help you pull this scam next time.
Niranjan Shah : So basically we all agree. Modi must go. He brought us disrepute. We all agree that in spite of being in the governing council we could not steal nearly as much as Mr Modi. Mr Pataudi could not get his son to win a bid, Mr Gavaskar could not get his son auctioned, Mr Srinivasan could only own one team, and most of us hardly made any money from all the scams as compared to Modi. Besides if he does not go, he will tweet about us knowing everything and basically confirming what everyone knows and understands – The governing council is equally hand in glove with him and / or we are bunch of idiots sitting here who have no clue what work they should do. So he has to go. All in favour say aye.
Shashank Manohar,Arun Jaitley, Inderjit Singh Bindra,M.P. Pandove, Chirayu Amin, Rajeev Shukla, Board secretary N. Srinivasan, joint secretary Sanjay Jagdale, Niranjan Shah, Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi : AYE !!!!
SCENE II : Twitter Account of Modi
Modi on Twitter : Don’t worry guys. I will be back soon with a brand new scam. Till then wait for me. Adios !!
SCENE III: Rest of the country
Gullible Indian Public : So we spent money, stood in the sun to watch all rigged matches? Wow !!! And we will do it again next year. How many scams must the IPL have before they call for a ban…The answer my friend is blowing in the wind…AND HOPEFULLY WE WILL NOT BE BLOWN BY IT 

Note : This post originally appeared in my original blog worldasisee,wordpress.com on December 30, 2010 and this is just a reproduction. Hence posting date might be later than the date mentioned

An interview with Suresh Kalmadi

CommonWealth Games

The last few days have been really hard on poor Mr Kalmadi with the entire world, including his partners in crime from the CWG headquarters coming down heavily on him. Hence like all good scamsters he decided to play the disappearance game and ducked all media hoping that the wind will blow over. But as luck would have it, he ran into our reporter and had no choice but to give this interview. Excerpts of the same :

Reporter : Dear Mr Kalmadi, firstly we thank you for giving us this interview. Please tell us how do you feel about all this backlash which is happening about the games?
Suresh Kalmadi : I am very sad. I worked so hard but instead of appreciating the hard work we put in you guys are all busy making accusations against me. India has let me down completely (Gives a long dejected look)
Reporter : I am sorry did I hear you correct? India has let you down and not the other way round?
Suresh Kalmadi :: Yes.
Reporter : (The reporter is a little stunned, but having heard so many absurd statements in the last few days, that he decided to hold back his amazement) Anyway, Mr Kalmadi to get back to our questions, you had told us a few days back, that the CommonWealth Games would be better than Beijing Olympics. Now seeing the state of affairs what do you have to say for yourself?
Suresh Kalmadi : Well I still say it is better.
Reporter : Better?
Suresh Kalmadi : Yes. You see better is a relative term. For me, what is better, need not be what is better for you. Some people might feel Satyajit Ray’s movies are better than Ramsay films, (the legendary C Grade horror film maker), but I find the opposite. So if I say better, it need not be better as per your standards, but that does not mean it is not better. How can you blame me for having different tastes than you? I strongly protest.
Reporter : (The reporter starts feeling a little dizzy hearing the statement, but then work is work and he continues with the interview). So tell me Mr Kalmadi, what do you have to say for the games Village, which is not in a habitable condition.
Suresh Kalmadi : (Gets Livid) Says Who???????????? When I was given the brief I was told that we need to build a games Village. Do you know I sent my team to every village in India, to understand how a village is like in India, and that is exactly what I rebuilt. Have you not seen villages in India, where stray dogs come inside the home or water leaks from the terrace or there is stagnant water full of mosquitoes? Or that villagers pee anywhere, cause there is no proper latrine system there? So I rebuilt that. Now they come and say they want something else. Tell me where in the brief was it mentioned, that the village has to be UK village. It just village and we thought it was an Indian village and that is what we built. And yet you blame me for it. I just do not understand why we still want this colonial effect? Why can we not have Indian Villages when the games are happening in India?
Reporter : (By now the reporter is really feeling unwell) So you feel that the village is perfect? OK can you tell us what is your explanation for the immense amount of wealth which is said to be wasted for this games.
Suresh Kalmadi : I am sorry but what wealth has been wasted? Do you know we have fixed the bids for all Delhi Government Project for the next 3 years for all products we purchased. Do you realise what that means?
Reporter : Yes it means these vendors can loot the public money for 3 more years?
Suresh Kalmadi : NONSENSE !!!! It means for 3 years the Government does not need to spend any money taking out ads in newspapers, for tenders, for any new purchase. It means the Government does not need to waste its officials to go through tender applications and waste their time and tax payer’s money. It means the Government does not need to to pay anything more when costs of these products increase. Do you realise how much that saves our money? Yes for that we had to pay a little more to buy these products but am sure you will accept in the long run, it is money saving. And you say we squandered money?
Reporter : (By now the reporter is completely dazed and unable to talk) Ah……..mmmmm…so what happens if prices fall and no such need comes up? And what about the allegations that money is being routed through multiple agencies to reach the CWG officials and they are taking the money.
Suresh Kalmadi : Firstly this is a speculation that we will not need such products in future or that the prices might fall and I cannot purchase based on such speculations. Secondly what is this games called? Do you know? Its called common wealth games. What does that mean? It means the wealth is common for all. So what if we took some of the common money? Is it wrong? After all it is common wealth and what is wrong with taking the common wealth which is meant for all? Did we refuse money to anyone? Everyone, cutting across countries and colour of their skin took money. After all we were just living up to the name? And yet we get blamed.
AT THIS STAGE UNFORTUNATELY OUR REPORTER COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND FAINTED…and hence we could not bring you balance of the interview. But we will continue to try and track him down to get him to answer other allegations if any, and report the same back to you soon
In the meantime you can follow Suresh Kalamdi on twitter : http://twitter.com/kalmadispeaks

Note : This post originally appeared in my original blog worldasisee,wordpress.com on December 30, 2010 and this is just a reproduction. Hence posting date might be later than the date mentioned