Parenting…#6

My Parents

This is my 6th article on things I learnt from my parents. Things, which today, as an adult I realise, is so much responsible, for me being, what I am.

Once I remember coming home from school, being very upset. I had a fight with a friend of mine in school and felt I had no friends in this world (you know as a teenager you feel such crap). My dad saw me and asked me what happened. Now I rarely used to open up about such issues, but that day I did. After venting out my emotions, my dad asked me a simple question “Are you friends with yourself ? Do you love yourself ?” Now of course, in those days when there was no “Secret by Rhonda Byrne”, and such concepts were alien to all of us. I, of course, assumed, that my dad had lost it, and said No. So my dad said “So if you cannot be friends with yourself, if you cannot love yourself, why do you expect someone else to? Do you want your friends to love, what you cannot love?” Now honestly, at that age it made no sense and I was quite upset with him for not understanding my predicament. He then gave me an exercise to do, which at that moment seemed like such a burden. He said “Why not from today, try being your own friend first? Why not write down daily, one reason, why you should love yourself?” By now, I was quite sure my dad was the most insensitive man on earth, who had no idea, how to deal with life and the many problems it had to offer. Anyway, for that moment, the story ended there and my life moved on, and of course I did nothing of that sort.

But then, as I grew up, I was one day in college and was very down about something. Both my parents were in Singapore then and I did not know what to do, and I suddenly remembered his advice. So that day, I took out my diary and wrote down for the first time, one thing I loved about myself and the feeling was exhilarating. I never felt happier in my life. Somehow, I had no idea that I was so great, till I started telling myself . From, that day, started a love affair with myself, which continues till date, and must say the strongest affair, I ever had .

Today, when I come across many friends, who seem to break down and all lost, cause they do not have a man/woman in their life, I realise the value of his words. I have been alone many a times, but never been lonely. I have had my heart broken, but I never felt unloved. Till date, I remain my biggest fan.

So today, when you feel alone, when you feel no one loves you, when you feel time is running out, and you need to settle down with the next “available” person you meet – why not do what my dad taught me? Start a love affair with yourself, and I assure you, never again will you feel the need to be sad again

I am (not) Anna…

Jan LokPal Bill

All of you have shown shocked indignation at my sudden turnaround this time around for the Anna Hazare Campaign. Many of you have even wondered have I finally lost it (many feel it’s coming for a long time), and many have wondered have I suddenly started supporting corruption? The answer to all is aNO. Yes, the last time around I vehemently supported the movement and did my bit for it, but this time around something has changed.

So what has changed? Let me first start with the fact that yes, today corruption is one of the biggest problems plaguing the nation and its a problem which needs to be solved immediately. But I have issues with the solution suggested.

So let me first start with solution suggested. The proposed Jan Lokpal Bill has the following suggestions :

1. An all powerful body will be created who is non-political and is a power unto itself. The Lokpal can investigate anyone, can tap phones, can issue rogue letters to anyone. But it cannot prosecute or can (confused as two interviews of Kejriwal said two diametric opposite things)

2. If the LokPal turns rogue anyone can go to Supreme court and complain and try and get them removed. Complaints against Lokpal staff will be handled by independent boards set-up in each state, composed of retired bureaucrats, judges, and civil society members
The premise behind this Jan Lokpal Bill is that all our politicians are corrupt, all our bureaucrats are corrupt, all our judiciary is corrupt. Hence the need for such a public outcry, and such drastic measures.

So if the first premise is true (and it is mostly true), let me ask who is this so non-corruptible and non-corrupt person available with us who can shoulder such a massive responsibility, as to head the same? And what makes us so sure that having such absolute powers will not corrupt them? There is no answer.

Now the argument put forward is that for the first time, we as an ordinary citizen can go to the supreme court and complain and get a corrupt Lokayukta person removed. Now from what I recall our 60 year old democracy has given us a similar right to remove people at least in the political circus and that is far easier than going to a court.. And they in turn can remove the corrupt officials too. Now, if we have so far not shown any kind of inclination to remove the key corrupt politicians in a far easier format, what makes us think that suddenly we will care to go to a Supreme Court to exercise our right? And even if we want to, has anyone ever entered a court? Entering a court is one of the most horrendous experience one can go through, so to expect a citizen to exercise that right is foolhardy.

Now let us go the the practicality of the situation. Today we are complaining that our work does not get done till we pay a bribe and this should stop. And it is most honest statement ever. Let us imagine a situation where you need an address proof. Sadly none of the current mechanisms are good enough to get you the same without any fuss. What do you do? Find someone and pay him a bribe and get the work done, cause end of the day that proof is needed. So who will go and complain in this case? You, cause your work got done. or the person who took the bribe? Answer is neither. So how does Lokpal curb this corruption?


So what will happen once this LokPal bill comes? It says we will arrest, prosecute and put the corrupt behind bars. So what does our corrupt do behind bars? Simple, it colludes with the police, bribes them and enjoys a life of luxury behind the prison gates. And who will complain then against that corruption? The police? Or the man behind the bars? Neither. So how do you handle corruption here? If the response is the Lokayukta can take suo moto action, well then so can the courts. And if courts can go corrupt so can Lokayukta.
Now, let us go to the biggest part of this Lokpal. Apparently it cannot prosecute anyone but can only investigate. Now if the assumption is all our bodies from Judiciary to Parliament are are all corrupt, just how will this LokPal at all help us cause all it has it is investigative powers and prosecuting bodies can always set them free. Is this entire fight just to create a body of impeccable detectives?(Now this point I am confused about as just heard another interview of Kejriwal in Loksabha TV where he said lokpal can prosecute whereas in NDTV he claimed the opposite). Now if it is that the Lokpal can prosecute the solution is even better. The Lokpal can prosecute the judiciary and the judiciary can prosecute the Lokpal – A CLASSIC CASE OF YOU SCRATCH MY BACK AND I WILL SCRATCH YOURS OR YOU MESS WITH ME AND I WILL THEN MESS WITH YOU

When the Anna Hazare campaign started last time around, the campaign was against corruption – a cause many of us support (different case in point that most who support it are themselves corrupt to the core) but this time around the campaign has moved to bringing only Jan LokPal bill. It’s like asking people to unite against terrorism (a cause I assure you, will draw much larger crowds than what we see now), and then say the only solution is to pass the draconian Pota Law, and this is what people have gathered for. Sadly this is how the entire concept is being hijacked and the reason why this time I have refused to support the movement.

There are other reasons also why I am against the movement this time. The earlier time the movement was to debate the Jan LokPal bill. Sadly this time around, maybe cause they have tasted blood (seeing the crowd support), they have changed their tune and it is now only his bill which is the right bill. As much as I agree that the Government bill is a complete useless one, the fact is there are other views also coming into the picture which can be debated and discussed. But the Anna team refuses. This clearly shows an attitude of arrogance and dictatorship, something which is against our basic constitution. Besides it can set a dangerous precedent as many have pointed out and tomorrow someone can come out on the street and ask for anything citing this movement as an example. I know many will argue that we the citizen’s are smart and won’t support a wrong cause, but the fact that we are not is amply proved by the fact that we still could not vote out one corrupt politician.


So is this entire movement unjustified? Answer is NO.. We are thankful to Anna Hazare for bringing this debate to our coffee table and ensuring the Government does pay heed to the woes of the common citizen. Without this movement it would take another 50 years before such a bill was even discussed (though the RTI bill is a case in point that civil society can push such bills without a mass movement, but nevertheless). But now it’s time to get off the high horse and actually try and solve the problem. Let the movement be such that we have more accountability and better systems in place so that taking bribe becomes an impossibility. Punishment is certainly no deterrent to corruption and will not save us. Prevention will. So let us all unite this time to come up with a solution which prevents corruption, and not just punishes once the act is done.

The storming of the "Red Bastion" - The Bengal Green Revolution

The Storming of the Red Bastion In Bengal

As of yesterday the Bengal I knew is gone. Having been born in a "Left" Bengal and having heard horror stories of '71 and all it is scary. Besides if Mamata handles Bengal the way she handles the railways and with the left openly threatening a "tit for tat" by doing a nandigram and singur type agitation, if TMC takes land for industries, guess doomsday is not far away. But then Left winning would have also spelt equal doom for West Bengal.

So what went wrong with Bengal's Left? Firstly if anyone feels it was just Singur or Nandigram they are sadly wrong. Singur and Nandigram was just the final nails in the coffin or the fire that the opposition needed to get the Left out. The seething anger against Left had been brewing and these two incidents just lit the fire in a state which was already fueled up. Just in itself it would not have had the impact it did.

Secondly, why did Left fail? I think one of the first things where left went wrong is to making every a party member. In a state where everyone is a party member how can the state ever progress? Every institution was politicised. I remember during University when a Professor was brought in, who all knew had no credentials but was there cause he was a political appointee. Since everyone had a political patronage being mediocre or worse, was ok with all, cause end of the day the party was behind them to take care of them. This was the first mistake that Bengal did, which slowly ensured it moved to being a "dead" city as many call it today.

The politicising of the state had another fallout. Everyone became a party cadre and with the numbers rising, the party lost all control over them. The party cadres ruled supreme and by the time the party realised that most of them went rogue, it had become too big a system for them to clean up

Another problem that I have seen with Left in its current avataar is its inability to listen to criticism or any voice of dissidence. The left used to pride itself in being party above individuals. No matter what the differences were, when they came out of the politburo, all spoke the same language. Sadly that slowly transpired into a situation where any voice of dissidence was either met with a banishment from the party if it was a party member, and if it was the general public it was met with a complete disdain for such voices and at times even attacks. I happen to have witnessed this of late quite a bit at least in the virtual world. The so-called Left supporters/members/empathisers would on hearing any word of dissent against them would either criticize, attack or block them off. I can just imagine the same happening in offline world too.What it culminated into was firstly alienation of the common people who felt Left was a bunch egoists who cared two hoots about people and secondly the party commanders being unaware to a certain extent of the level of frustration that people had. (I refuse to believe that they had no clue as am sure like all they too saw the news channels)

Left in Bengal had the undisputed run for over 34 years. Now firstly 34 years is enough time to let corruption seethe in any system and left was no exception. What made matters worse for Left, was that unlike other parties it had no one to blame its faults to. It could not even say that we did not get enough time to rectify our mistakes like many political outfits say. Left sadly had only itself to blame for non-deliveries which included industrialisation among others. Sadly when Buddhadeb Bhattarcharya took over and emerged as the "Brand Buddha" for West Bengal, he tried correcting all these follies but unfottunately by then the corruption was so deep rooted that it was too late to correct, at least while in power.

Of course, one can also blame Yechury and Karat for their complete lack of acumen when it came to understanding national politics and its various tugs, but that was an internal matter for the Left.

So then you may ask, why am I dreading a Green Bengal when the Red Bengal had so many faults? Well for the primary reason, is TMC so far has not given me a reason to trust them. Railways has become a personal property to distribute wealth in the name of jobs to Mamata's many followers and I dread to imagine what would happen if the State too is reduced to that. Secondly Mamata's move to power is based on the same Left flawed Ideologies which has left the State in this condition. Thirdly TMC shows the same trend of making everyone TMC with everyone joining the "Poriborton" bandwagon. Fourthly with the Left openly threatening to do a "Singur" and "Nandigram" to Mamata, can only make me wonder what will happen, even if TMC ever plans to improve the State.

The "Storming of the Red Bastion" has happened but like the "Storming of Bastille" was followed by a period of mayhem and murder,  will this too have the same outcome, only time will tell. For the moment, we can only hope and pray that Bengal does see the "poriborton" or change it so eagerly voted for. And Left can now hopefully stop blocking off people's voices and listen to them when they say "we want you to change"

The story of the cheating spouse….

Nemesis and the broken heart

A few days back I was having a chat with a very close friend of mine about love and betrayal. She was telling me about a close friend of hers who was recently going through a messy break-up with her husband cheating on her with her best friend. She was telling me about how her friend is going through a major crisis and low self-esteem cause of this, and how was she repeatedly asking herself, “where did i go wrong?”. What made matters worse was the in-laws going around and telling everyone that the fault lay with the girl, as she could not hold her husband back (I always wonder about these statements made, but that is a story for another day).



Hearing the entire story, I somehow was left complete confused. Here is the way I saw the problem :
The girl had a husband who turned out to be a cheater and a piece of work and who never loved her
The girl had in-laws who turned out to be the worst kind of in-laws any girl can ask for.


She lost them


The guy had a wife who loved him, dearly enough to cry even now, knowing what a piece of work he is.


He lost her


So, can someone explain how the girl was the loser? As far as I see, she came out of the clutches of some of the worst people, she could ever be with and a life with a husband who did not love her, and the husband came out losing the woman who loved him to death. As far as I see isn’t it the man who is the loser and should be asking himself “why me?”, and not the other way round.


And, as far as the friend was concerned, I see it this way, she loves her friend a lot and so took away all her pain for herself, since now she has to live with this piece of shit….and trust me, if a man cheats once, he will cheat again, and imagine living with such a person for the rest of your life.


Correct me, if am wrong, but can there be any greater nemesis than this?


(PS: My theory would have been the same had it been a wife cheating on the husband)

Am I modern?

Yesterday I had a very weird experience – There is this person who sent me a friend request on facebook. Now generally I avoid adding people I dont know unless there is a common link. Now this gentleman had a common link and I felt why not. Of course half hour later i regretted my decision when I realised he did not know the boundaries of an online acquaintaince and deleted and blocked him off (but then thats another story), but there was a comment he made, which got me thinking. After a couple of minutes of converstation he asked me do I go to a disco. My answer was yes of course and he replied – “Strange cause from the clothes you wear in your pictures one cannot make out you are so modern”. I replied that I wasnt aware that discos had an uniform, but it got me wondering,  what makes someone modern?
I don’t smoke as I believe its bad for health- so does that mean I am not modern? I rarely drink and there is no reason for it except its my choice – So am I conservative? When I wear a sari or any indian dress does that make me regressive? Or when am out in a disco wearing a short skirt dancing with my friends – Is that the only time I am modern? I wonder. So to be modern, irresepective of my figure I need to flaunt what i have and don’t have or else I am “not in”. One of my favourite relations in the world always used to introduce me to his friends saying oh she is very dated – why cause I dont drink and smoke? Even then I wondered had I smoked would I have been more today? (Please note this comment was made more in jest as my relative is very modern)
I always believed I was modern. Cause being modern for me is in the head. Like my good friend Prashant Khurana says being sexy is in your brain and not in your body, for me same went for being modern. I am modern cause I dont believe that rules are different for me and different for others. When I lost my dad 10 years ago I did my best to try and get Ma married off again cause I felt she was too young to be alone. When I failed to convince her, I was the one who got her out to have a life of her own. I was the one who got her inducted in my friend circle so she could be friends with my group as well. I am modern cause I treat my mother like a woman and not the way many of my friends / relatives/ acquaintances treat their mothers. Moms for them are meant to be at home a la nirupa roy. I am modern cause for me she is a human being and I treat her that way.
I am today’s woman cause I get bugged when someone tells me I am so great in looking after my mom after my dad, something traditionally a son is expected to do. I am modern cause I dont think its great. If I can ask for equality I shouldn’t expect people to praise me for something I am supposed to do.
 I am modern cause I am liberal. I don’t believe my truth is the only truth in the world. I believe another viewpoint can exist, of course disagreeing with them is my prerogative. I dont believe cause I am straight I cannot have gay friends. I am so proud of each and every of my gay friend and am proud to tell people yes they are gay and they are my friends and I love them for who they are. (please if i hurt any friend am sorry but I have had such shocking expressions from some people who heard I have friends who are gay that I had to say it here). And I am modern enough to say that I can accept anyone as gay (except the man I marry and that’s for obvious reasons). If tomorrow I have kids and they are gay, so be it. I will openly accept it. I am modern cause i preach and practice that I treat every human as equals – i dont care what colour, caste, gender, sexual preference, religious order they follow (when i say equal i mean equal to your capability 
I am modern cause I know that clothes doesn’t make a person but the person makes the clothes. I am modern cause I am equally comfortable in a sari as I am in modern clothes. I am modern cause I choose what I wear according to the occassion and do not depend on what the world wants me to wear.
I am today’s woman cause I don’t need to smoke and kill my body to show how smart I am. I am today’s woman cause I don’t need to get drunk to prove I am “in”. I am today’s woman cause I don’t get up and say treat me special cause I am a girl. I am today’s woman cause I believe that I can , have and will make it in the corporate world, not cause I am woman but cause i am able. I am modern cause I dont believe I need to prove I am modern for every person who questions my being so. I am modern cause I can blend equally with the past and the future.
I am modern cause I dont believe society is more important than the individual and his wishes. Hence on the death anniversary of my dad I don’t mourn his death but celebrate the life he led and throw a party just like he would have wanted us to remember him always – Full of life and having his rum and throwing parties 
I am who I am. Modern for some and regressive for othes….which sliver you see of me will depend on you 

I SAY NO TO RACISM…..

Say No to racism

This entire shahrukh khan being detained episode has suddenly taken a new turn – racism. Its suddenly cause we asians that they treat us this way. And of course we Indians cannot tolerate that….How dare you be racist..but look inside us..are we Indians not the most racist community? And unlike them we are proud to be so and flaunt it…

Every other day I meet parents who object to their children marrying someone who does not follow their religion, or is not of their caste, creed, etc. For them their lineage is above all and everyone else who tries to sabotage it is wrong…So isnt that racism? When I get up and say my religion is better than yours, my caste, my creeed, etc, etc…Then why complain about the Whites being racist. Hell we make a much better case of racism than they ever could. I remember the movie “Guess Who’s coming to Dinner” where Joanna (the heroine) does not want to believe her parents are racist . I still remember the last dialogue of Spencer Tracy (the father) where he tells his daughter “Anybody couId make a hell of a good case against your getting married. The arguments are so obvious that nobody has to make them. But you’re two wonderfuI peopIe…who happened to fall in love…and happen to have a pigmentation probIem.And l think that now…no matter what kind of a case some bastard couId make..against your getting married…there wouId be only one thing worse.And that wouId be if knowing what you two are, knowing what you two have, and knowing what you two feel you didn’t get married”. I wonder even today how many parents can tell their kids this. That is a 1967 movie and in 1967 america made a movie which said hey we are racist but we hide it. Its 2009 today and India still says we are racist and we flaunt it. AND WE DO NOTHING…
Riots are also a sign of racism when one group gets up and tells another group, hey I will kill you cause I am better than you in terms of religion, etc. I remember a very close friend of mine once told me why riots happen (This was during the Godhra epsiode). He said its mob fury and gave me an example. What happened if a muslim guy killed him ? Now he being a dear friend of mine, Wouldnt i be so angry that I would feel all muslims are wrong and go kill another muslims. That is what causes riots. Now that got me thinking that he was absolutely right. Except what would happen if some Hindu in some riot God forbid had even remotely harmed Shireen (a very close friend of mine) or her family or Immy chacha and his family(immy chacha is dad’s schoolmate and more than family for me), would I blame all Hindus and go kill them? Going by that logic, then the first person who needs to be killed would be me as technically speaking I am a Hindu. Or is then the basic premise is that I being a Hindu cannot have a very very very good friend who is a muslim? So we again come down to the basic fact that we so racist that we don’t even want to make friends who are not of our religious beliefs and we say whites are racist????? Wow !!
(I want to make a point that my friend was just putting forth an argument and he did not anyway justify it and isnt racist at all). And again we Indians are so proud to be racist.
And what about when people get killed cause they dont follow your political or social ideology. Isnt that racism? Every other day people get killed for not following an ideology and we let out political leaders flaunt them. And yet we blame whites as being racist.
Now I know a lot of you will say well we cannot change others. Hence what can we do. But is there really nothing we can do? Like Gandhiji said, “We need to be the change we wish to see in the world”. I dont want to be a part of the world where people discrimate each other cause every discrimanation is racism. I know there is not much we can do, but that does not mean there is nothing we can do. I remember I took a stand 4 years back that I don’t interview or hire anyone who writes their religion or caste in their resume. For me it was simple if that was your identity, I don’t want to hire you cause I want people to rise above that. Cause such beliefs give rise to racism. This is something we have been following for a long time irrespective of how good the candidate is. In my company we truly believe in being equality. We celebrate every festival and we only let people’s religion come out to enjoy food. Part of our induction states that in the 9 hours people are in the office they will not discrimate against anyone cause of their colour, race, religion, sexual preference, etc. Our ethos says “While at least in the company premises treat everyone AS JUST ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH”. Maybe this is nothing and will bring in no change to the world but at least in those 9 hours I am saying “Hey stop being racist while you with me” with the hope that the rest of the 13 hours too would make everyone feel the same way.
I say no to racism in any form…Do you?

This post originally appeared in my original blog worldasisee,wordpress.com on August 23, 2009 and this is just a reproduction. Hence posting date might be later than the date mentioned

The men I meet…

Is something wrong with me? Else why would I attract so many dimwits around the world? Its like its written on my face – “Hey are you dumb or shallow? Then can we become friends or at least can we talk?”. I will of course give you various examples to tell you why I feel so (If I hurt anyone in the process I am sorry, but my brains are hurting too much and hence I had to do this)

I will start with an incident quite a few years back..I met this guy in some get together. I had just come to Bangalore and he was introduced to me through someone. So one day we bump into each other and he is like “can we have coffee?” (this was the second time I met him). I was like ya..and then he went to an atm to withdraw the money..and you won’t believe what was the next thing he did….he actually showed me the atm slip and said..”Did you see my bank balance? Am rich” (quote unquote)…I WAS LIKE WHAT??????????????????????????????????….. Poor chap had a huge grin on his face and I guess was thrilled that he impressed me with his bank balance...I guess he felt the term "size matters" meant the size of his bank balance. Anyway I had to leave immediately as i could not control my laughter anymore..But since then i refuse to have coffee with anyone who needs to withdraw money before treating me for coffee 
Well if you think this was a lot hear the next one…I meet this guy through a business forum and we got to talking. He seemed quite nice and friendly and I was like now here seems to be a nice and ok guy. But of course my thoughts were short-lived. One day we had some work to discuss and we decided to meet for a working lunch as it was quite late. Somehow the work talk finished early and so we got to general chit-chat and he went on to talk about himself and somehow the conversation steered to the fact that he was interested in me…I was about to say I hardly know you when he went on to tell me about himself so that I get to know him..and this was his story…He believes in astrology..he had a live in gf for 3 years and when they decided to marry he went to an astrologer and the astrologer told him how bad this girl was for him…and that is when he realised that since she came into his life how many bad things had happened….and they broke up…and now that astrologer told him if he marries a girl from bengal his life would be awesome..hence his interest in me…I literally choked on the food and was about to die of laughter there..but stopped myself seeing how serious he was…luckily I used to carry two mobiles then and i urgently made a call from one to another and pretended there was an urgent call from office and ran out….and i must say i laughed so much on the way back that people on the road surely thought i was insane….anyway as it happened the relationship..both professional and personal did not move any more from there…though i regret it..cause i really wanted to ask this guy some questions..1. why after 3 years of a live in relationship did he feel the need to consult an astrologer to marry the same girl? 2. was that girl so powerful that she could affect his fate and if so wasn’t she eqivalent to God? But then I could not. Am still hoping to run into the guy someday and ask him these questions though..
Hello…are you guys laughing reading this?…Please am talking about my life’s tragedies..so can you guys stop laughing and read my sob story? Anyway life went on. One day a friend of mine wanted to send me something from Delhi and told me to meet this guy who was carrying the stuff for me. So I called up this chap and we planned to meet somewhere, where I could collect my stuff. Now of course after collecting my thing I could not say bye immediately and hence to be decent I decided to have coffee with him (condition was I pay as after the last incident i did not want to risk again)..now during the conversation the talks steered to about me and my past…so me being a general honest person did say that i had a relationship before and it ended and I gave the reason why I felt it had ended..he after hearing the story went on to refute me and gave me his reasons as to why he felt the same had ended..I tried telling him that my ex was a different kind of guy but to no avail. He went on and on and on and on and on…on his theories…I finally asked him ” Did you know him?” But of course my humour fell flat on him…As it happened I never met him post that day…
Now if the above makes you wonder do I attract shallow people, you need to hear this story. I had just joined this firm and suddenly someone in HR sent me a sms that there was some colleague in some department whose wife had met with some accident and needed o+ve blood. I did not know who the colleague was and of course much less his wife. I called up HR and took the details and forwarded the sms to all I knew in Bangalore stating the criticality of the patient as well (My blood group wasnt o+ve so I of course could not donate). Of course some people responded saying sorry it wasnt their group, some saying hey we are not but we have other friends who can donate, some sent a url where I can check for other donors and some sent saying they have the same blood group and are of course willing to donate….But the one sms which surpassed every sms I have ever got was this one..This guy sent me this sms and here I am putting it quote unquote “Hi. My blood group is o +ve. But I would have to attend a birthday party today, so I can donate tomorrow”. I swear I did not know whether I was supposed to laugh or cry reading that message. I mean how shallow are you? Well that was the first day I started doubting myself. I felt it must be me cause I really had felt this guy was different. NOW NOW STOP LAUGHING..am bloody serious about this…here I keep attracting all the nerds of the worlds and you guys are laughing? NOT FAIR…Of course in his defence I must say he told me the very first day that people say he is very shallow….it was my fault I did not believe it 
So you guys are already feeling sorry for me or not? Well wait there is more..now this is something my women friends would understand more….am sure many of you have had men call you up and telling you how they have fallen for you…now I ASSURE YOU I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH LUCK….but what is worse is what happened to me…This man calls me up one day when am at work and announces that I am in love with him…YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT…He did not say he was in love with me but I was in love with him..and the reason he called me was to break my heart cause he realised we were not meant to be..it took me a few minutes of course to grasp what he said…(i know i know you will think by now I should be used to such things, but I wasn’t)….anyway finally after a few minutes when I realised that my heart was broken I just asked why do you think so? He said he just knew as he was very smart (here i would like to state that though i had met the guy just three of four times but in his defence will admit was quite friendly with him)…I of course did not want to refute the guy as any further conversation would have made me burst out in laughter and i sadly realised the guy’s egoist head would have construed something else of that…hence i said ok and hung up…OF COURSE WHAT FOLLOWED NEXT WAS I LAUGHED SO MUCH THAT ALL MY COLLEAGUES IN OFFICE HAD TO TELL ME THEY WILL TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL TO STOP MY LAUGHTER…well after that i of course did call many of my friends to tell them that I was informed I am in love and the guy has rejected me…luckily I managed to nurse the broken heart back to health quite fast…i guess laughter and some fevicol did the trick…but till date this was my best love affair  …of course its sad that since then I never met him and I sincerely hope he has met his love…someone he loved and hopefully he is married off..but I hope he knows how true was my love and how much he missed out 
Anyway since that day I turned my life only to work and old friends..I realised that fate has decided that I have too many friends and hence its fate’s way of saying stop making new friends…This was my way of consoling myself after all the tragic meetings I had…..and I had stopped myself completely…till a few days back when I felt maybe things have changed and just maybe its not me…but I WAS WRONG…..cause in a few days i met this guy online who had no clue how to act….well it so happened that this fellow sent me an online request….Now i generally dont add people I dont know but of late I have accepted a few of them if they have a common friend….so here i acceped this guy in all faith that if he knew this friend he would definitely not be crass… so promptly this guy comes on to FB chat and starts talking to me…actually to be correct he bombarded me with questions (got a feeling he was carrying a questionnaire) which ranged from asking my age, my occupation, marital status, love life, education, etc…after answering a few I was forced to tell him that I dont enjoy really discussing my personal life, so if he could stop his questions. When he was refusing to relent I had to tell him that I wont answer as I felt it wasnt really important at this stage (I will be honest am now very skeptical of talking about myself owing to some above mentioned incidents)….I also made it very clear I don’t like it when people I dont know intrude on my personal space or cross the boundaries of familiarity with me….Anyway he stopped only to start off in 3 minutes and this time he asked me about whether i go to the disc…(i have written about this already)..i was surprised that my sarcastic comment about the uniform was understood and I felt maybe I was wrong…But once again my hope was short lived…in the next few minutes he asked me if he could tell me a story and before I could respond he went on to tell me a story on some king and his sexual escapades…I was like excuse me? Do you have any clue what are the boundaries of decency when you meet a girl or cause I go to a disc, the next assumption is you can the talk about sex?
ANYWAY I OF COURSE DELETED AND BLOCKED HIM IMMEDIATELY BUT SINCE THEN I HAVE REALISED THAT IT IS ME…I attract all nitwits, dimwits, shallow idiots of the world….else how does one justify all this?????..So please please please…if you don’t know me, don’t send me a friend request..and if you meet me offline dont initiate a conversation….it will just prove you are the above..CAUSE TRAGIC AS IT MAY SOUND I SEEM TO ATTRACT THEM BY THE DOZEN  …And please no one should laugh reading this note…I am writing a tragedy and not a comedy
PS : This does not include some of the people who are on my friend list whom I added online. Its not a sweeping statement on all people I meet but some nerds I do 

I am dark…and am loving it :)

The very dark me

I have often heard the comment…”even though you are dark you have a pretty face” being told to me…and i always end up wondering…is it an oxymoron dark and beautiful?…if not why do people naturally assume that dark people cannot be pretty or attractive?
I was told that when I was born a lot of people told my parents that it would be tough to get me married cause I was dark and once when I had an accident at the age of 4..and people thought it might leave a scar on my face..the discussion went to greater depths….its a separate thing that my dad and my mom were never really bothered about my marriage and they only cared if their daughter studied and made it in life (and my dad did not want me married at all..no one in this world was good enough for his daughter)….but the fact was people still consider that if you dark skinned you cannot be pretty…
I have an aunt of mine..mishtu….actually she is more my friend as we more or less same age group…she is dark..and I would like to compare her with all the fair damsels I have ever met…and ask anyone who knows her if they can find even 1 girl who even remotely looks as hot and  as pretty and sweet as her…then why this belief?
I have often gone to the beauty parlour to get dressed for a occassion …only to make it very clear…DONT YOU DARE MAKE ME FAIR…and to see some of the shocked expression on their face which said “why would a girl not want to look fair? is she insane?????”…And seeing their reaction I would generally just wonder..is it me? am i really so different??
Maybe I am..I remember quite some time back there was an infamous fight between bipasha basu and kareena kapoor and the latter called her kaali billi..in other words referring to the fact that bipasha is dark….and insinuating she is better looking cause she is fair…and the media obviously splashed it all over…and the only thing that struck me in the entire fight was why no one asked kareena does dark mean you cannot be pretty?….and the bigger thing which struck me was why did no one question her that?
Of course the othe common factor added to dark skin is marriage ads…am yet to see a marriage ad which says looking for a dark skinned wife…why does everyone want a fair wife?? (I will put up a separate post where I will give my response to one such marriage ad shortly)..But truly can someone tell me why does everyone want a fair wife? And this desire cuts across every generation and every social class
And of course then there is the case of the fairness creams….i have no issues with them had they said i will just look fairer with it..but they go to madenning heights to say I will be successful only if am fair???? Helloooo…am successful in every sense of the word…and am dark…so is so many of my friends….so please can those ad film makers stop making such ludicrous ads? When we stop parliament cause of some tv program I wonder why no law maker makes an issue of this? I know there is a small hue and cry and hence they have changed it a bit..but nothing of consequence so far..and I refuse to believe that ad makers in India cannot come up with a more sensible marketing campaign for them….
Anyway the question that still remains…and a question I want to ask all..does dark mean not beautiful?? Does being dark mean I cannot be successful? Does dark mean I wont find a man??? Cause I am dark…and I feel beautiful..i am successful..i do meet men (and the reason for less success in this department has nothing to do with my skin colour i assure you  )….. I AM DARK…AND LIKE I SAID…I AM LOVING IT

For the one’s whose heart got broken…Life has just begun :)

Broken-Hearted

Since I have been a kid the general myth I have heard about relationships (in case there is a mishap in it that is) that the one who breaks your heart always has the upper hand..You see its an ego booster that I dumped you…now here is my small little attempt to demistify the myth of being dumped..and also hoping that if anyone of you have been dumped feel happy reading this and the ones who have dumped realise how dumb they were  …
Now tell me whoever has fallen in love..what is the most interesting part of falling in love…Go ahead think a little…cmon…is it the flowers? the i love you’s?, the gifts, the dates? The ANSWER IS A NO..the best part of falling in love is the chase…when you not sure whether you will get him or her….Isn’t it?…I mean the thrill of the chase or being chased is something the best of romances cannot compete with….Am I not correct?
 So the first theory for the people whose heart got broken…Rejoice…cause now you can find a new love…cause without an ending there can be no new beginning ..Hell with the old…new love here I come
Now for the next…if you are a man I assure you women don’t like men who dump their women..makes them jittery..what if he dumps me?…and if you are a woman..a man likes to be in control..so if he hears you have dumped..its a general (mis)conception that you were in control…So tough for both sexes to find the next one…and if you cannot find the next one then why dump at all? It contradicts my first theory 
So the second theory is never ever ever ever dump someone…..It always fails
So then what does one do if one wants to be out…simple get dumped…now by the time you are in a relationship am sure you would know the person’s likes and dislikes and I am sure you would know that one thing he / she dislikes which if they find out you have done will sure end up in them dumping you….So do that !!! Now this also has an added advantage…when you are the dumped party you always get the sympathies…have you ever heard sympathies go to the person who has dumped or have they always got the brickbats?…and nothing gets you your next love faster than finding out that you an aggrieved party…men love taking care of such women and women love the idea that he stuck on with such a bad girl (makes them feel hey I can be normal with him and still not get dumped )…so you see you win…
So the theory number three is..when you want to be out..do something which will make the opposite party dump you…and boom you are in the reckoning again
So apply the above three rules and see how your broken heart mends….remember every cloud has a silver lining..and yours has just begun  ..and remember always…dumb people dump…smart people get dumped..so which one are you?
Terms of Reading this Posting : 1.The writer (that is me of course) takes no responsibility of the consequences that will follow if you follow this theory..Please do it at your own risk
2. The writer (that is volia me again) does not give you the authority to sue me cause of any accident that happens cause of this. But just in case you still want to, I can only allow you to do so if you hire my firm to fight your case (you see I run a LPO as well and its good money if my lawyers can fight and I get commission)
3. The comments above does not in any way reflect the writer’s (that is once again me) life and its outcomes. Hell who said one has to practice what one preaches 

My response to 90% of the marriage ads

Marriage Ads in Portals

Has anyone ever gone through marriage ads? Most men have standard requirements which are the following :

1. Fair bride (they can be dark as coal but wife dear has to be fair)
2. Sharp Features (its a different thing that their features have never known the word sharp)
3. Love my family (and dont expect them to love yours or for that matter even their own)
 4. Long Hair (They can be bald but you lady need to have long hair. Balancing act you see)
5. You need to cook very well (now you see if he is marrying he will do away with the maid, right?)
6. Educated (Degrees mean a lot specially to bong guys)
7. Young (They could be in their 50s but the girl needs to be in her early 20s)
And of coure they need to know the girl’s caste and many want my horoscope (and this even applies to all so called modern people who will otherwise write how caste system is wrong but when it comes to marriage wants to match all that). One would of course imagine that with such perfect matching none of those marriages ever can fail and most are match made in heaven but that is not always the case. Anyway thats a topic for another day.
Now lets look at the other party in the marriage viz : the women. Now women are simple and straight in all ads. They don’t have any such criteria. They are simple. THEY ARE JUST PERFECT. Every woman is beautiful (ignore the attached pic in case of marriage portal, as they were clicked on a very bad day), they can cook so well that chefs will feel ashamed, they are brilliant in studies and great at outdoor as wel as indoor work. And they will love your parents, will live on love and fresh air. Basically they are what God calls Angels.
Now seeing all these perfect women and the demands of the men I realised if I put up an ad, I will get nothing.  I mean God made me perfect but more like perfectly imperfect. How could I ever compete with such perfection I ever wondered. But nevertheless once ma (in one of her crazy ideas) said I need to marry either one of the men I knew or find someone for myself. Else she will get me married off. Now I did not want to ruin the lives of men I knew (they were friends after all and no matter how great I think I am and how much I love myself I will always feel sorry for the man who marries me), and neither did I want my mom looking for someone for me and then being blamed by my in laws that she got me married to them. So I said I will do the needful and this is the ad I put up.
AD :
Hi Prospective Grooms, Please stop here and look at me. I am desperate for marriage as ma says she cannot tolerate me anymore at home (Its a different thing that few days later you too will say the same thing). So please go through my profile and at least tell me you want to marry me even if you don’t. Anyway here is some details about me.
Well I am a wonderful girl. I am beautiful, attractive, nice, smart, intelligent, pretty – you can say adjectives fail me. I weigh around 100 kgs (but do not consider me fat – i am what you could say less thin), i am 4 ft 5 inches (but do not consider me short – i am less tall), i am black (you cannot find me in the night they say). My hair is wonderful. Basically i am bald and hence I use wonderful wigs – so you want long and silky, short & croppy, whatever. I can have that hair. (Now isn’t that a bonus. How many men can boast of wives who has hair of every type to suit every mood). My eyes put aishwarya’s to shame – only problem is you need a microscope to find it. My nose is the best part of my body – its like a road which suddenly took an u turn (You getting the picture right?) I wanted to go to the Ms Universe Contest but my family felt that others would have a inferiority complex and hence did not allow me to. Your good luck cause now me here and you can marry me !!
My other qualities – well i can cook. I mean I tried to make tea once but it tasted like ditch water. After that i never cooked. But I am sure if you want I can cook some burnt food for you. I am educated. I did pass some class some time – was it class V or was it class VI? I do not remember. Oh sorry I did appear for matriculation. Now class X exams come after class V right? Ok its a separate point that I did not pass. But so what? Lets say I am matric appeared (MA). Now that sounds like a degree, right?
My age – I am sure you are not that indecent to ask a girl her age. No one seems to have taught you any manners. Well lets say i am not very young.
My family says i am god’s gift to mankind. Any man who marries me would start praying to god that very day that I disappear from their life. So any man who does not pray much – God would gift me to them so they start praying.
Anyway here is my bio-data :
Name : Whats in a name ? Kalidas said that – so why bother telling you..or was it shakespeare??? ..well what the hell..what’s in their name too..
Age : I just said its indecent to ask a girl her age.Ok let me say I am 18+ ..that’s the legal age to marry right? Now don’t ask me how many plusses after 18…that me not telling
Caste : Don’t you know caste system has been abolished, you regressive men !!!!! How dare you ask someone this. I would put you behind bars for this.
Income : I am marrying so that my husband can earn for me, not the other way round.
Bank Balance : If I had any, why would I think of marrying you? And remember always your money is my money and my money is ALSO MY MONEY..Don’t you dare think of it as yours
Horoscope : Send me yours and I will send you back one which matches yours completely. Now what do they say in hindi “Chattis gun milenge”. Happy aren’t you?
My family : We are about a 100 member stong household. My husband would have to support them too. And please I cannot love your family like my own. Its tough enough loving them. And any case didn’t Karan Johar say “Its all about loving your parents”. He never said “its all about loving your husband’s parents”
Education : I can read & write
Habits : I drink like a fish, smoke like a chimney
Secret desire : To beat my husband black and blue every night.
Favourite Movie : She devil..I love it
My wish: To marry a man who can give me the 3 Ms – Money, Mercedes and Mansion.
My dream man : A guy who is dumb and a billionaire. And who can give me the 3Ms.
IF YOU FEEL YOU FIT INTO MY CATEGORY OF A PERFECT MAN PLEASE DO CONTACT ME AND WE CAN THEN DISCUSS THE FINANCIALS (hello you thought you will marry me without spending any penny on me is it? Now now it isn’t dowry, its lets say what they call proof of your love for me. Now I cannot marry unless you love me right? And You need to prove your love. Hence)
Needless to say all thought my honesty to be madness but such was life. I mean tell me something women do marry for social security and what is social security if you dont give me money and look after me and my needs? But no, if I say it am bad. Anyway sad thing is no one really agreed to marry me seeing this but so what? But then like I always says…Your loss dear….  

Marxism and the Corporate World

Marxism in Corporate World

Being born in a communist family I was always educated about the marxism and what Karl Marx taught about socialism. Somehow as an youngster i sort of equated socialism with being poor, the right to strike, the right not to work and still demand wages, etc. As I grew up I of course realised that I was wrong but I used to be still intrigued as to why most communist leaders used to oppose anything which would mean profits. Was Profit such a bad word? Did Karl Marx really say being rich was being bad? Why was making profits such a bad thing? Why was communism in my state equated with anti business? Why was it said that communism killed the work culture? And that is when I got to actually doing some fact finding myself about what Karl Marx actually said. What Marx actually said was that wealth of a company belonged to its workers and compensation depended on his value brought into the company. But tell me how can a company be wealthy if its workers are on strike. How can a company be wealthy if people do not work and consider a right to still be employed a birthright? Now Marx never said be lazy, did he? I once remember ages ago hearing an interview of a marxist labour union leader from West Bengal who said he had met a labour union leader in China. Apparently during his meeting it came out that his Chinese counterpart was agitating against the management cause of some treatment meted out to an employee. Of course the gentleman in question asked his Chinese friend why were they not going on a strike and I still remember what his Chinese counterpart had said “I am a labour union leader. If there is no labour being done then what am I a leader of? I will protest but stopping work is not the way of doing it.” Those words struck me even then and yet I saw my state lumbering its way through countless strikes and corporates moving away. Not one labour union leader realised that wealth cannot be distributed unless wealth is created. Some say Karl Marx’s theory is redundant in today’s world. But I feel its the most relevant in the world of today. If an employee’s pay is directly related to the welfare of the firm then both will be profitable. If every employee is a stake holder, then before going on strikes . If every employee is a stake holder then every employee will think twice before being lazy at work. If every employee’s benefit’s depended on the company’s welfare they would think a million times before they force a firm to accept an errant employee back as that errant employee would result in the company’s profit margin coming down. After all the end intention is to distribute wealth and unless its created it can never be distributed. And Karl Marx never said don’t be rich. Infosys is one of the greatest example of the above theory being a success. They created wealth and they distributed it among its employees. But you see nothing in this world came free. Hence each employee was made a stakeholder of that company. So if you want the wealth you have to work for it. The fruits of labour cannot come unless you have a stake in that business. I know many people will say this is simplifying the entire problem. Maybe it is. But its still better than the world where I came from where communism became synonym with strikes and laziness. And its certainly a start to ending the never ending enmity that capitalism and communism cannot co-exist. In today’s world the only way ahead is a synergy of both the thoughts. One needs to reinvent the wheel today if one has to survive and if communism has to survive in India, it has to befriend the corporate world and accept that making money is not all that bad.

Let debate remain a debate…all in favour vote aye

A few days back I had posted an article on marxism and how corporates can make use of the same. Well as always a lot of people commented on the same. Some I agreed and some I disagreed which is always the case. Anyway it so happened that someone made a disaparaging comment about my city and I obviously wanted to comment. So here I got onto chat, and before I knew it, it became a personal attack, to the extent that I was not even allowed to say a word. If I said anything,it was misconstrued in the most amazing way and the point was hammered so many times, that one lost the entire reason for the conversation and it went into a different direction. Well after a couple of minutes I obviously did the next sensible thing to do and just ignored the conversation and actually had a good laugh with another friend who was online who was following the chat with me. But the entire conversation got me thinking, why is it today that debates are no longer reigned within the limits of a debate. Why are people so scared of their point of view being unaccepted that they are ready to rave, rant and go to any low heights as possible? Is winning so important? Or have we reached a stage where intolerance rules.
One of my friends in FB is a staunch communist and she often makes various postings on FB regarding how anti communist forces in West Bengal and India are destroying the country and how communism is the best philosophy to follow. Now I disagree with some of her views and agree with some. Of course when I disagree I give my reasons for the same and vice versa. But what amazes me is the way the comments from the readers flow in any of her discussions. I can accept that one is passionate about what one says and believes in, but I am amazed why people are not ready to listen to another point of view? And when one sees ones point being diluted in the barrage of comments, the comments invariably more often than not become personal. Or otherwise they start screaming and hammering away to glory so much so, that one forgets that one is in a civil society. Internet being an unmoderated medium this becomes even more easier.
If one follows debates on various television channels where one political party is pitted agains the other, the same rule follows. Firstly most debates on TV which involves the politcal class are always so divided and polarized that one rarely gets to hear the true story. Secondly with most speakers who come on TV (there are some good political orators but they generally choose to stay away) its always an extremist point of view that they carry and for them the one point agenda is not to defend their theory but to belittle one’s opponent. In that effort most of the politcal class usually catch hold of the most inane points in the opposition’s topic of conversation and misinterprets it in such a wonderful fashion, and then repeats it so many times that one forgets the real reason for the debate. And if one finds onself in the receiving end of the debate, or losing as one would say, the voices of the loser becomes shriller and louder to the extent that he / she feels that the best way to win a debate is to stop the other one from being heard – decency be damned. Logic and any form of evidence more often than not takes a back seat and all one gets in the end is a shrilly discourse where one hears nothing except some pathetic personal attacks and a loud cacophony of noises. What is worse is that the so called moderator or the anchor of the show actually encourages that cacophony, so much so that at the end of the debate the viewer not only remains uneducated about everyone’s point of view but also needs to clean his ears lest he turned deaf.
One of the most debated topics in India of late have been the Nuclear Deal. I am sure the most of us did follow the same specially on the day the parliament moved the motion of confidence against the Government. The parliament debated over the topic for over 6 hours (a record of sorts since they never work so long but thats a different topic) but tell me honestly how many of you even remember a single debate except the one Rahul Gandhi and Omar Abdullah made. I don’t. And I will tell you why I remember Rahul Gandhi’s speech. After ages I heard a politican who did not feel the need to belittle another party and rather paid respect to all saying all is equally concerned about India. He did not need to scream cause he knew his content made sense. But still no one learns.
In the last two parliamentary elections the BJP lost. Among the many reasons attributed to their loss, I feel one of the reasons they lost is that they forgot that a democracy is a fight for different schools of thought and not of different individuals. At least in urban india one would like to hear a debate on how they different. Their fight in the 2004 elections was anti Sonia and 2009 concentrated on being anti Manmohan. None of their debates had any concrete topics and solutions to the many problems India faces today but just personal attacks. Most of their debates especially if the panelists included people from the RSS was always about a personal attack. They lost the first time and yet refused to learn and fell again. Hopefully this time they wil  learn. Of course I don’t mean congress is any better. They usually have a little more smarter people who come for the debate and hence their tactic more often than not, when they have nothing to say is to catch the most insignificant statement that the opposition makes and keep repeating it so many times, that one ends up discussing a topic completely different from what one started with and before you know it, the time is up. But the best of the lot I find is from TMC and certain marxist leaders. They usually start the debate with screaming and shouting and throw up insignificants points in the air, which have no relevance with the topic and hope that the chaos created by them confuses the audience enough to forget the topic of discussion. Logic and proofs be damned.
I am deliberately avoiding putting up any examples for the above as there are so many that even my debate will lose its relevance. But there is one which I have to point out and I feel its enough to drive home my point. Sometime back in NDTV there was a discussion on Mayavati’s statue building efforts. Now among the panelists was a gentleman who was speaking for Mayavati and her spend. Failing to justify it under any circumstance he came up with this bizarre explanation which flumoxxed everyone. He said that statue building of elephants was to bring in the plight of elephants being killed in India, and since India was racist they were more bothered about the diminishing number of tigers in the country than elephants, who he felt was a sign of dalits. Now in that one swift move he managed to turn the topic of discussion to something completely different and confused the entire panelists to think the discussion was on racism and saving the elephants. Much as I laughed during the debate I feel more often than not today debates are reduced to the same. Create a confusion, rave, rant and in the end ensure people don’t get to hear any opposing thoughts.
When I was a kid and I used to get angry with my people for not agreeing to something I said, I used to scream. Ma always said something, which then I did not understand but today I do. She used to say when you are right your content will do the convincing. Raising your voice only shows how hollow your viewpoints are cause you feel only by shouting you can win. More often than not, your opponent just gives in cause he/ she feels intimidated by you. I guess today we have become so intolerant across all spectrums of life, that we cannot tolerate any other school of thought which contradicts ours. Hence instead of talking sense, we end up just mud slinging each other and screamig.
I am someone who really enjoys a healthy debate, if for nothing else but to make my grey cells ticking. Hence like old times, when debates used to end with the moderator asking all in favour vote aye…i say all in favour of the old form of debate coming back please vote aye…I FOR ONE CERTAINLY VOTE AYE…

My horoscope matches yours – I am God

Horoscope matching

This horoscope matching phenomenon which has the fancy of at least 50% of my countrymen is certainly an interesting concept and one which can have many uses if used properly.  Thanks to serials and all those movies doing the rounds horoscope matching is now more fashionable than it was maybe 30 years ago. So much so for progress. Anyway like I said, if used properly this can really be a successful phenomenon.

Now according to astrologers horoscope plays a very important role in our lives. So if I want to do business with you, if I want to marry you, for it to be successful, the only thing which will work is our horoscopes to match. Else doomsday.
Now here is some of the things I have heard astrologers say…if a person (read :girl )  is manglik (meaning if Mars is prevalent in your horoscope), your husband is sure to die unless he too has the same problem. Hence the solution is marry a tree, dog, etc first so that that object dies and then you free of the curse. AWESOME IDEA.  So why not make use of this idea.  Here we are running pillar to post wondering will we give capital punishment to Kasab, Dawood, etc and all the villains of the world.  One has to fight those human rights activists who seem to think all human rights belong to people who kill humans. So now this is what the law should do. Make a horoscope of the villain they want to do away with and pray he not manglik. Advertise for all the manglik girls who want to serve the nation and get them married off to these guys. And Poof !!!!! They are dead !!!!!!!!! So you are saved of the villains, the girls do a great deed, the girls lose their curse and can marry a man of their choice and human rights people are thrilled cause we got them married off. GREAT IDEA RIGHT???  Besides this will spare us of all the environment rights and animal rights people who will one of these days wake up to realise we are killing the dogs and plants through such means  . We can of course use this method to even pick up supari (collecting money to kill people). So instead of going by those boring old methods of killing someone using the gun, knives and all, we get them married and BANG (no pun intended) we have them dead !!!!!!!!!!!!
Now lets look at what else a horoscope can do for you. It can get you wealth, health, kids, etc, etc. In other words if an infertile man marries a girl whose horoscope matches his, he can produce kids. Medical Science be damned. In other words if a doctor finds a man who comes to him for being infertile, he has a brand new prescription to offer. A girl whose horoscope matches yours !!!!!  And this is one treatment which is fool proof.
Now lets take the case of some man who is a failure or whose business is failing. Ideally you would go to a consultant, etc and try and try and reorganise and reengineer your business. And pay a fortune for it. But now we have a much better way to handle it. We get you a wife whose horoscope matches yours. Consider it as a bonus offer – Have your business up and running and get a wife too FREE FREE FREE !!!!!!!!!
In other words we are God !!!! We can make or break you and even kill you by just the power of when we were born !!!!  Lucky us !!! And thank God for horoscopes which give us so much power in the world that previously we knew only God had !!!!!!  HENCE SALUTE US  . And salute all those who made horoscopes so important.
PS : And for readers who would want to know why me saying the power of horoscopes lies only with women, its cause in India we are still regressive enough to think women bring in the luck for a man. Science and logic and progress be damned
Am also hoping that one of these days the Govt of the worlds will accept all my theories and pay me money for these awesome ideas

An open letter to the prime minister (shareholder to CEO of country)

A letter to Dr Manmohan Singh

Dear Mr Prime Minister,

I am writing this letter to you out as I believe that you are the CEO of my country and since I pay my taxes (quite unhappily though), which runs the country I guess that makes me a shareholder and  I feel it gives me a right to bring up certain issues to you. Hence the letter.
I will first start with the functioning of your parliament which I guess is the headquarters of the office you run. I run an organisation here and though am a very relaxed person about rules of attending office on time, etc I cannot in the world imagine how you can have a parliament where your parliamentarians play truant many times and some even 100% of the the time and yet they are allowed to have their job. Better still they get paid for the same. May I know as to how you can spend my money to pay those guys who do not turn up at work? And the ones who do turn up, many of them do not work. I hope you understand that we as citizens pay your salary so you work and not come to the parliament and do nothing? You have a huge percentage of members who have not once whatsoever raised a question in the question hour or done any meaningful work. Yet we seem to keep paying their salaries every month. Honestly its not amazing that the country is in this mess, with such employees. Or should I say its amazing the country is not in worse mess even though it has such employees running the show????????? I do understand that as CEO you have a limited role in some of these cases but at least the employees whom you have brought in, can you not regulate them? And on the same note I would like to add, that I would want you to hire and promote people based only on their expertise and qualifications. I really do not want the first woman President, or the first dalit speaker, or the first sikh prime minister. I just want honest and able people to lead the positions. So if you could kindly refrain from using people’s birth as their qualifications I guess it would do us a world of good.
I would like to bring to your notice another working of your organisation which amazes me. I see many a times that your employees raise the issue of media regulation especially the television. Many times I have heard your information and broadcast minister send notices to television channels about the programs they telecast and the impact they have on children, our society, etc. I mean honestly speaking have your team members ever seen their delinquent behaviour which gets telecast on television daily? Have they ever felt the need to regulate that in regards to the fact that it would spoil the kids or the society. Seeing you guys fight, abuse each other in a place of work, one needs to regulate that channel more than any other channel ever. Why has your minister never brought up that topic? Have they not once thought the kind of impact it would have? Please as CEO can you ask your information and broadcasting minister to first check this telecast before they cast aspersions on others??
The other thing which worries me immensely as a shareholder is the blatant way you guys even in this economy increase your salaries and perks. I do understand that they are the needs and we need to pay you well to function, etc but have you ever calculated the amount of money we spend behind each of your employee? its Rs 2.66 lakhs a month? And time and again you guys increase the same, not once asking the shareholders if they feel like appraising you at all? As CEO of the country, I appreciate you telling the private sector to stop paying the eye popping salaries they pay their employees, but after seeing the salaries you pay your employees, I wonder why the same yard stick is not used to measure your employees?
Mr Prime Minister, I would also like to understand that every year in spite of the dismal performance of the Government I as shareholder have not taken away my faith from this country and moved to another (though honestly that is something which I am very much wondering now) but what have you given me in return? Have we in the last 50 years even made an attempt to improve the selection procedure of the employees we hire? I run an organisation and I ensure I do their background check, check their resume, etc before I even call them for an interview. Yes I too sometimes still choose wrong employees, but you Mr CEO seem to go wrong in the selection process itself. I see no criteria being given to choose your set of probable employees except the fact that they are interested. Also nepotism seems to be the ideal way of choosing the hopeful candidate? Can you please advise me as to why after so many years I still see no improvement in the same and how do you plan to address the issue?
Mr Prime Minister I would also like to talk to you about the various committees successive CEO’s of the country have set up to investigate various and countless crimes done by previous management. When I run my firm, I cannot in the world imagine how I can give a work out without first fixing a budget and a timeframe for the same along with of course the execution plan. But in your company, no matter who is in the helm of affairs the story remains the same. Tell me honestly, do you expect your shareholders to believe it takes 20 years to investigate a crime spending billions of rupees and to give the information which was anycase privy to all? Why may I know are we not changing the system?
The other matter which plagues me a lot is the prizes you decide to confer on sports personalities, namely cricket. Though I do understand that its a very entertaining sport and one which I personally enjoy but I see no reason to give special status to them using my funds in the company while you deprive the others. If you want to spend my money please make it equitable and based on certain criteria, else please do not. I have not invested my money for this.
The other point I would like to understand from you is what is your criterian for breaking the states and making it smaller ones? Is it cause of governance or just cause someone protests? And if it is the latter why not separate out the states which want to leave us? Or is it size matters? States can be separated but not the country? If not, I would like to understand what is the due diligence being done before you or your board take such decisions?
Before I end, Mr Prime Minister I would like to tell you that basically I find you a very able CEO and definitely much much better than any previous management we have had in a long long long time. Hence I felt, that maybe you would try and solve the functioning of this company before its too late and shareholders plan to leave you for other companies. Thus the letter. I do hope that the letter will be received in the right spirit and I hope very soon it will be a pleasure to invest here.
Warm Regards
A small shareholder

Another open letter to Mr Bal Thakeray…Extending my support(sic) again

Dear Mr Thakeray,

I hope my last letter has reached you and you have realised what an ardent fan and follower you have in me. Sir, this letter is being sent to you as I am seriously worried about you and your party’s health and want to once again extend my humble support to you.

The divisive politics of Bal Thakeray

Sir, I have been following the news following the Pune attack. Sir, you should immediately break ties with the BJP and even some of your party men should refrain from talking to the media. Sir, you guys have blamed the ruling Maharashtra for the the Pune attacks blaming them that had they not used the entire police force to ensure the smooth release of “My Name is Khan” this would not have happened. Sir, for the first time you have got the support of the entire country cause most feel this way, except they all have attached a rider to your statement. Sir, everyone saying had you not created a ruckus and ensured that the police had not been occupied to protect the state from your hooliganism, which unfortunately they had to do, they would have been able to stop this Pune attack. Oh sir, you do not understand, they will now implicate you, and sir this time they will hang you sir, as you are guilty of ensuring a terrorist attack in this country. Oh sir, I fear for you.
Sir, there is one more problem I heard which is cropping up for you. I heard sir, most industries including the film industry have got tired of your mafia politics and have decided to shift base from Maharashtra to other states. Sir then sir what will happen? Sir, I fear many Maharashtrians will then be forced to leave the city affecting your vote percentage, but sir, I think that will not affect you much as the sane people who will leave would anycase have never voted for you. But sir, what will affect you is the fact is the people who will stay back. Sir, they will mostly have no jobs left except to drive a taxi, which thanks to all your hooliganism will be reserved only for them. But problem, sir will be that by then no one in Maharashtra will have any money left to ride a taxi as no jobs will be there. And sir, all these Maharashtrians you fighting for to become cab drivers will finally get cabs but without any passengers. Sir, then even this miniscule percentage of people, who still, for some weird concocted reason vote for you, will stop voting for you and rather abuse you. Sir, what will you do then? You will move into oblivion and die a slow death either in jail (where you will have lots of company with the likes of you) or in your huge home alone. Oh sir, I feel so sad.
Sir, fearing this I came up with an idea which sir, I got it from you and your supporters. Sir, like your supporters bought tickets for Mr ShahRukh Khan to leave for Lahore, I bought tickets for you sir. I raised money which every citizen in the country was so willingly read to give (God bless each one of them. They are so nice sir, to do this good deed to help you out). Sir, I bought tickets for you for every country in the world, so that you can go anywhere in the world sir. But sir, I again ran into problems. No other country sir, was ready to have you, even for a day, as a guest, forget having you as a permanent citizen. Oh sir, now what will you do sir? India does not want you and the countries will not take you. Sir, you have no future sir. Oh sir, I guess your only future will be in jail (which I think will be a safe haven for you sir) or sir it will be by being beaten up in public sir, by citizens of India, and since they have learned it very well from who else but you, they know the art of beating up people quite well.
Sir, I feel so sorry for you. I was such an ardent admirer, fan and follower of you. Oh sir, if only you had mend your ways and did what is good for the country, you would have had such a different life. Oh sir, what will happen to me now that you gone sir. Oh sir, you are doomed.
Sir, I have to end my letter now. I cannot control my tears any more as am so heartbroken, visualising your complete dark future. I wish these Indians understood what a great man you were. After all, you could do what no man has ever done. Unite every Indian. Unite them in their belief that you sir, are nothing but a menace to society and every Indian. I wish they sir, realised how you became bad so they could be united (Sir, that .01% who still vote for you, will stop voting soon too, so I can say it will be a 100% vote against you). But such is life, sir.
Your ardent admirer till her dying breath
Priyashmita

Unravelling the mysteries behind the online networking sites

Social Networking Sites

Today no matter who you are, chances are you part of some online networking sites in some form or other. I am too, and maybe a little more than I should be. But there are still many things of the online networking site, which I cannot understand. Hence this is my attempt to figure out how they work and maybe find some answers.

One of the sites that I participate a lot in (maybe a little more than I should), is Facebook. But there are still many a things about it which I just cannot fathom in it. Firstly its this “Like” button on Facebook. You can write any status message on Facebook and lo and behold you have 20 people clicking on the “like” button. Now the last I knew, the word like meant to find something attractive or enjoyable. Now tell me if I have written “I am sad” and you click Like button, or I say “I feel like crying” and you click on the same button,then what are you trying to tell me? Are you telling me you like me sad? That my crying is attractive to you? If not, then why just go blindly clicking on my status messages? Honestly do you even think before you click? Honestly speaks volumes of your intelligence and/ or your friendship with me and yet me supposed to remain their friend. Of course what is worse than this, is people sending you friend requests which you accept and then they dont bother ever saying hi to you at all. I mean do you really think it makes you popular to have 2247 friends and hence you add people irrespective of the fact that you will never talk to them?
The second thing about Facebook which makes me wonder is this “Fan” Page. I understand when you telling me to be a fan of some star, a company, that is you being a third party? But don’t you think its a sign of desperation when you send someone “Fan” link to become a fan of you? I mean who in God’s name goes out and says become a fan of me? I mean I do admit I love it if someone tells me they like my work or my writing, and secretly I do desire they become my fan, but to send a “fan” page of yourself is the heights of desperation. At least if you want so, ask a friend to send so for you. At least will be less desperate and chances are you will get them. I can assure you, most of the people who click on the “Fan” Page that you have are doing so out of sheer pity for you. I mean imagine Shah Rukh Khan going out there and begging people, please be my fan? Sounds stupid right? Then why do you?
Now there is another site, Orkut where I had joined sometime back. Now when I was new to the new medium my brother taught me how to use it, and he told me that how many scraps and friends you have is the latest form of showing how popular you are. Now unlike my brother I was never the popular one, and I was not ready to let an online medium prove the same, was I? Hence I wrote in my profile, please scrap me if you want to be my friend cause its supposed to be the latest measure of popularity and if you make me popular enough I will add you. So in all kindness, most who saw my profile, started scrapping me and adding me as their friend. Now me responded back by accepting their friendship request (I was told and convinced by my well-wisher that saying no to a friendship request was a sin so grave that I would rot in hell). So after I accept, we scrap each other for a few days and then like all things end when the novelty disappears, the scrapping ends after a few days. Now I will tell you where the problem arose. These people who have added me, whom I know nothing beyond some name they had told me, not even a picture to assist me (some people here add filmstar’s pictures against their name…am yet to figure out why though. Are they trying to tell them look like them or are they telling me they their fans? Well whatever the are trying to tell, its quite bizzarre) go change their profile and write some exotic name against their profile(I have seen names like “some moments n some ppl cant b forgotten”, “the forgotten for sure”, “poo flower”, “scent of revolution”, etc. Between you and me am sure it is a revenge game on parents. I mean more often than not parents name the kid, so I feel by putting such esoteric nonsensical names up its their way of saying “I reject”. Honestly can there be any other reason for writing such names? If yes, please enlighten me.). And lo and behold after some days they scrap me back. And am supposed to figure out who they are. Tell me something, can you do it? So I have to search all my old scraps (and I have crossed the holy 5500 mark) and figure out who is this new found friend who is scrapping me again. And I assure you its no easy task and answer back, cause if you don’t the person calls you rude, etc etc. Can you tell me a plight worse than this? But such is the online world.
Orkut has one more problem and the reason why I have taken a raincheck on my usage of that site. People can just simply copy your profile. Now it is a slightly accepted fact that I have a slight amount of wit, and can write reasonably well. Now there are other people, who I guess wants to be so but cannot be so. Hence they simply go copy your profile. I had one with Mr Anil D’Souza from Udupi who did it before, and I had to rewrite the whole thing again and now one Ms Swapna P now. I do agree copy is the best form of flattery but this????? What is worse is not only do they copy it, and give me no credit, but then on top they actually thank people when they are complimented on their profile. The former actually had 3 testimonials written as to how funny he is and the profile was given as proof for the testimony.Can someone go tell people that stapling of clothes when they tear and making microwave made tea is patented by me?
Now one more strange behaviour of people whom you meet in this online space is when they are trying to get to know each other. I don’t know about others, but it has often happened to me, especially if I add someone from the opposite sex, where right after adding, they start a chat online, and it somehow feels like i am in an interrogation room, where they have this list of questions which they ask and I need to answer. . I actually once told someone, send me the quetionnaire and I will fill it up and send it back. Of course my humour and sarcasm, like many times fell flat. 
The latest craze in the online world is Twitter. Today people ask for your twitter name before they ask your name, such is its craze. Now for the illiterate it’s a site where you can micro-blog and update your status and people follow you. Again like the other sites your popularity is measured by your followers. The trick here is you should be following less number of people than people following you. Else you would have performed a cardinal sin and completely discarded as a very unpopular person. Now I understand when people update that they going for a movie. I mean your followers might respond back asking you how the movie is, etc leading to some conversation. But to update messages like “I am going for bath”, “I am having tea” is simply beyond my limited understanding. Just what are you trying to achieved? Do you want to tell me you are clean and take bath daily? Am I supposed to ask you how fresh you feel? Or what? Then why update me on your bathing ritual? Or you having tea? Are you inviting me over? If not, how do I care?Can someone please tell me why people update such useless trivia as status messages?
Now the last but not the least – Linkedin. That site was created for networking of professionals. It was a fantastic medium where you could create your reputation by being recommended by your peer group, bosses, juniors, etc and a very good way to build your professional reputation among a group of people who might not have otherwise known you. This was really good, and here your reputation depended a lot on the recommendations you received for your professional achievements. But lo and behold, did you feel we will sit at that and now make ourselves popular like we did in orkut, twitter and facebook? So you would very soon find yourself being bombarded by requests to recommend people, who forget ever working with, you don’t even know beyond their name. And best is when you tell them you don’t know what they do and have never worked with them, they coolly answer back, please see my profile and you will know what I do. In other words here too, I really don’t care if you have never worked with me or I could be the laziest, most unscrupulous, inefficient employee but you need to use your creative writing skills and make some story about me as to how I am a model employee and God’s gift to the corporate world . I don’t even want to dare ask why I should resort to such means, but then such is life.
I know all the above should be reason enough for me to give up my tryst with the online medium, what makes it worse is when you read how people have met their soulmates online and got married, etc and all I encounter are the above situations.  But then I guess me the eternal optimist live in hope – Hope that someday this bizarre world will make some sense to me too