The men I meet…

Is something wrong with me? Else why would I attract so many dimwits around the world? Its like its written on my face – “Hey are you dumb or shallow? Then can we become friends or at least can we talk?”. I will of course give you various examples to tell you why I feel so (If I hurt anyone in the process I am sorry, but my brains are hurting too much and hence I had to do this)

I will start with an incident quite a few years back..I met this guy in some get together. I had just come to Bangalore and he was introduced to me through someone. So one day we bump into each other and he is like “can we have coffee?” (this was the second time I met him). I was like ya..and then he went to an atm to withdraw the money..and you won’t believe what was the next thing he did….he actually showed me the atm slip and said..”Did you see my bank balance? Am rich” (quote unquote)…I WAS LIKE WHAT??????????????????????????????????….. Poor chap had a huge grin on his face and I guess was thrilled that he impressed me with his bank balance...I guess he felt the term "size matters" meant the size of his bank balance. Anyway I had to leave immediately as i could not control my laughter anymore..But since then i refuse to have coffee with anyone who needs to withdraw money before treating me for coffee 
Well if you think this was a lot hear the next one…I meet this guy through a business forum and we got to talking. He seemed quite nice and friendly and I was like now here seems to be a nice and ok guy. But of course my thoughts were short-lived. One day we had some work to discuss and we decided to meet for a working lunch as it was quite late. Somehow the work talk finished early and so we got to general chit-chat and he went on to talk about himself and somehow the conversation steered to the fact that he was interested in me…I was about to say I hardly know you when he went on to tell me about himself so that I get to know him..and this was his story…He believes in astrology..he had a live in gf for 3 years and when they decided to marry he went to an astrologer and the astrologer told him how bad this girl was for him…and that is when he realised that since she came into his life how many bad things had happened….and they broke up…and now that astrologer told him if he marries a girl from bengal his life would be awesome..hence his interest in me…I literally choked on the food and was about to die of laughter there..but stopped myself seeing how serious he was…luckily I used to carry two mobiles then and i urgently made a call from one to another and pretended there was an urgent call from office and ran out….and i must say i laughed so much on the way back that people on the road surely thought i was insane….anyway as it happened the relationship..both professional and personal did not move any more from there…though i regret it..cause i really wanted to ask this guy some questions..1. why after 3 years of a live in relationship did he feel the need to consult an astrologer to marry the same girl? 2. was that girl so powerful that she could affect his fate and if so wasn’t she eqivalent to God? But then I could not. Am still hoping to run into the guy someday and ask him these questions though..
Hello…are you guys laughing reading this?…Please am talking about my life’s tragedies..so can you guys stop laughing and read my sob story? Anyway life went on. One day a friend of mine wanted to send me something from Delhi and told me to meet this guy who was carrying the stuff for me. So I called up this chap and we planned to meet somewhere, where I could collect my stuff. Now of course after collecting my thing I could not say bye immediately and hence to be decent I decided to have coffee with him (condition was I pay as after the last incident i did not want to risk again)..now during the conversation the talks steered to about me and my past…so me being a general honest person did say that i had a relationship before and it ended and I gave the reason why I felt it had ended..he after hearing the story went on to refute me and gave me his reasons as to why he felt the same had ended..I tried telling him that my ex was a different kind of guy but to no avail. He went on and on and on and on and on…on his theories…I finally asked him ” Did you know him?” But of course my humour fell flat on him…As it happened I never met him post that day…
Now if the above makes you wonder do I attract shallow people, you need to hear this story. I had just joined this firm and suddenly someone in HR sent me a sms that there was some colleague in some department whose wife had met with some accident and needed o+ve blood. I did not know who the colleague was and of course much less his wife. I called up HR and took the details and forwarded the sms to all I knew in Bangalore stating the criticality of the patient as well (My blood group wasnt o+ve so I of course could not donate). Of course some people responded saying sorry it wasnt their group, some saying hey we are not but we have other friends who can donate, some sent a url where I can check for other donors and some sent saying they have the same blood group and are of course willing to donate….But the one sms which surpassed every sms I have ever got was this one..This guy sent me this sms and here I am putting it quote unquote “Hi. My blood group is o +ve. But I would have to attend a birthday party today, so I can donate tomorrow”. I swear I did not know whether I was supposed to laugh or cry reading that message. I mean how shallow are you? Well that was the first day I started doubting myself. I felt it must be me cause I really had felt this guy was different. NOW NOW STOP LAUGHING..am bloody serious about this…here I keep attracting all the nerds of the worlds and you guys are laughing? NOT FAIR…Of course in his defence I must say he told me the very first day that people say he is very shallow….it was my fault I did not believe it 
So you guys are already feeling sorry for me or not? Well wait there is more..now this is something my women friends would understand more….am sure many of you have had men call you up and telling you how they have fallen for you…now I ASSURE YOU I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH LUCK….but what is worse is what happened to me…This man calls me up one day when am at work and announces that I am in love with him…YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT…He did not say he was in love with me but I was in love with him..and the reason he called me was to break my heart cause he realised we were not meant to be..it took me a few minutes of course to grasp what he said…(i know i know you will think by now I should be used to such things, but I wasn’t)….anyway finally after a few minutes when I realised that my heart was broken I just asked why do you think so? He said he just knew as he was very smart (here i would like to state that though i had met the guy just three of four times but in his defence will admit was quite friendly with him)…I of course did not want to refute the guy as any further conversation would have made me burst out in laughter and i sadly realised the guy’s egoist head would have construed something else of that…hence i said ok and hung up…OF COURSE WHAT FOLLOWED NEXT WAS I LAUGHED SO MUCH THAT ALL MY COLLEAGUES IN OFFICE HAD TO TELL ME THEY WILL TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL TO STOP MY LAUGHTER…well after that i of course did call many of my friends to tell them that I was informed I am in love and the guy has rejected me…luckily I managed to nurse the broken heart back to health quite fast…i guess laughter and some fevicol did the trick…but till date this was my best love affair  …of course its sad that since then I never met him and I sincerely hope he has met his love…someone he loved and hopefully he is married off..but I hope he knows how true was my love and how much he missed out 
Anyway since that day I turned my life only to work and old friends..I realised that fate has decided that I have too many friends and hence its fate’s way of saying stop making new friends…This was my way of consoling myself after all the tragic meetings I had…..and I had stopped myself completely…till a few days back when I felt maybe things have changed and just maybe its not me…but I WAS WRONG…..cause in a few days i met this guy online who had no clue how to act….well it so happened that this fellow sent me an online request….Now i generally dont add people I dont know but of late I have accepted a few of them if they have a common friend….so here i acceped this guy in all faith that if he knew this friend he would definitely not be crass… so promptly this guy comes on to FB chat and starts talking to me…actually to be correct he bombarded me with questions (got a feeling he was carrying a questionnaire) which ranged from asking my age, my occupation, marital status, love life, education, etc…after answering a few I was forced to tell him that I dont enjoy really discussing my personal life, so if he could stop his questions. When he was refusing to relent I had to tell him that I wont answer as I felt it wasnt really important at this stage (I will be honest am now very skeptical of talking about myself owing to some above mentioned incidents)….I also made it very clear I don’t like it when people I dont know intrude on my personal space or cross the boundaries of familiarity with me….Anyway he stopped only to start off in 3 minutes and this time he asked me about whether i go to the disc…(i have written about this already)..i was surprised that my sarcastic comment about the uniform was understood and I felt maybe I was wrong…But once again my hope was short lived…in the next few minutes he asked me if he could tell me a story and before I could respond he went on to tell me a story on some king and his sexual escapades…I was like excuse me? Do you have any clue what are the boundaries of decency when you meet a girl or cause I go to a disc, the next assumption is you can the talk about sex?
ANYWAY I OF COURSE DELETED AND BLOCKED HIM IMMEDIATELY BUT SINCE THEN I HAVE REALISED THAT IT IS ME…I attract all nitwits, dimwits, shallow idiots of the world….else how does one justify all this?????..So please please please…if you don’t know me, don’t send me a friend request..and if you meet me offline dont initiate a conversation….it will just prove you are the above..CAUSE TRAGIC AS IT MAY SOUND I SEEM TO ATTRACT THEM BY THE DOZEN  …And please no one should laugh reading this note…I am writing a tragedy and not a comedy
PS : This does not include some of the people who are on my friend list whom I added online. Its not a sweeping statement on all people I meet but some nerds I do